My name is Torshin and I am video game addict. I've been playing video games ever since I was a little kid and haven't stopped since. Was first a huge console fan and was first hooked on play-station and N64 and then around nine or ten I discovered the beauty of online gaming and it all went down from there. I love the internet and I love the fact that it allows you to be who ever you want to be, but as of late I have become more and more cynical of it as we hear more stories of kids killing themselves over Facebook or eloping to Jordan because of a boy they met on Myspace. So as the newest member of BIBTTP I will be writing about all that is wrong with technology and the internet in general these days with a bit of my views on politics thrown in once and a while.
To start us off I'm going to mention BBN Technologies Inc. current pet project for which they recently received 12 million in government funding and a large amount of dedicated bandwidth to, well basically replace the internet. The name for this project is Global Environment for Network Innovations(GENI) and it is supposed to take a clean slate approach to the internet to fix serious security issues. Now looking at this very optimistically this project could drastically fix serious problems facing the internet such as transfer of copyrighted materials and things of that nature. But I look at this as government regulation of internet content, aka China. These are the kinds of things that interest me and these will be the kinds of things I will be writing about.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
So an intro Eh?
Boof!
While doing some reading about possible trade deadline deals, I came across this list of "Worst Trades in Baseball History" on Foxsports. All in all, it's a very good list, as author Morisato hit all the big ones, including the 2003 deal that send asshole A.J. Pierzynski to the Giants in exchange for top pitching prospects Francisco Liriano, Joe Nathan, and Boof Bonser. Did I say Boof Bonser? I meant #### Bonser.
Evidently, FoxSports censors the word 'Boof', a word which means, well, I'll let you look it up yourself. Boof at urbandictionary.com. Not quite reporting Tyson Homosexual won the 100m at the Olympic Trials, but still kind of funny.
Okay, back to your regularly scheduled programming. (That'd be nothing, because, you know, usually we don't post anything. But that's going to change. Honest. I promise. We're going to, like, put up new content every once in a while. Why, I'm predicting that in exactly 34 minutes, our newest Canadian will make his first post. BIBTTP is back, baby!)
(Sorry, nothing after jump. I don't know how to get rid of that 'read more' business though.)
The Dark Knight Review: The One You've Been Dreaming Of
Within a week of its release, I had seen “The Dark Knight” (TDK) twice. I've been sitting around thinking to myself, "what do I have to say about this movie? Do I want to discuss my feelings after the first time? How about my reflection on the movie now that I've seen it twice?" Well, the problem was that everyone and their mother had already said anything I could possibly say in review of the movie. So I decided that, in addition to a couple of brief comments to let you know where I stand as a fan, I would also like to dabble in the field of the future of the Batman franchise. Where has the film left Gotham, the viewer, and the Batman (and other characters) both onscreen and off? All that, and more, after the jump.
Note: This article is directed at those dedicated masses that have already seen the film. Spoilers follow. You’ve been warned.
The Review
Honestly, I was slightly disappointed after my first viewing, and for all of the common reasons you can read at any sci-fi, movie, or Batman site. The story was not as novel as “Batman Begins” (with the origin and development of Batman). It was also LONG as hell with many people calling it "a movie and a half." Yes, that's more for your money, but TDK went from having a crisp ending at about an hour and forty-five minutes in to forcing the second half of the movie to an abrupt halt. The other thing that left a bad taste in my mouth walking away for the first time was the amount of preaching from virtually every character. From Batman to Rachel to Harvey to Alfred to The Joker himself, everyone spent a great deal of their lines discussing what was right, why it was right, how justice should be served, if it should be served at all, and what being a hero means. I mean, I get the whole "Justice vs. Chaos" dichotomy going on. Batman brings chaos to the “order” that was mob-ruled Gotham, but then he and Harvey try to impose justice to replace the chaos, but The Joker does all he can to disturb that and bring Harvey to see that Chaos is the only fair way. I get the hero vs. "something more" distinction for Batman, that he wears the mask so that he can make the tough decision for the greater good. I get that truth needs to be buried and lines need to be crossed sometimes. All I ask is that the director show some faith in the viewer to draw those conclusions on his own.
Then I saw it again. And it was more amazing to me somehow. I appreciated the subtleties of Heath Ledger's Joker. Yes, I liked his performance the first time, but it wasn't anything more than what I had expected from reading the reviews and seeing the trailers. He fully exceeded my expectations when I gave him the attention to detail he deserved. I can't even describe it, but go see it and ask yourself this: has anyone in the history of the role ever made it look so plausible? He is totally believable, totally real, and totally demented. Without his perfect character the movie falls apart. Which brings me to my next point: the movie was realistic and believable. It’s about heroes and villains, sure, but ones that don’t have powers. It’s about people that are willing to put it all on the line for what they believe, and anyone in this world could do that with the proper motivation and dedication. TDK is not for kids or even teens. It's adult, and it's perfect that way. Nolan panders to no audience for ticket sales (i.e. groin shots or sexual innuendos for the teen audience) and still rakes in more cash each successive day than any other film in history. Finally, I love that this movie lets the hero fall. He is so much darker than not only any Batman has ever been, but any popular, cinematic superhero in general. Hospitals blow up. People get hurt. Terror reigns. Rachel and Harvey, the two noblest characters in the film, DIE. Batman becomes the enemy of both sides, fighting hostages, henchman, and the SWAT team all at once in a scene towards the end. As Harvey promised earlier in the movie: "you either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.” And as Gordon explains at the movie’s close, Batman is "the hero that Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs right now.” (Note: Yes, these are instances of the preaching that I mentioned earlier, but it isn’t like the rest of the dialogue concerning those lofty issues. These are sweet lines that, in retrospect, are useful at summarizing key motifs in the movie. What I’m trying to say is BLOW ME!) It was a great movie. It had action but also depth, heroes but also Heath, victory but also utter defeat.
So that was my review. I'm sorry if you've read something similar recently, but I promise you mine was bigger... I mean better. Now for the fun. What lies ahead for the Batman franchise? My guess is not much. Why? Well that's why you're still reading, isn't it? Sorry to be the burst your bubble, but you'll have to wait until next time for the other half of this post. Don't want to go spoiling your supper now, do I?
As the old cartoons used to say, "Same BatTime, same BatChannel!"
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Greetings from East Rutherford, N.J.
Through my good friend Myron—he's very, very, very good friend, obviously—I got tickets for Monday July 28's Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band show at Giants Stadium, and my first thought was “I have to blog about this.” Actually, that was about my 253rd thought, after, “I wonder if he’ll play ‘Blinded By The Light’”, “I wonder if he’ll play ‘For You’”, and so on for each song Bruce has ever put on an album. But I did think it, eventually, which is why you’re reading this right now. (That and you must be really, really bored to come to this little corner of the internet.) But let's move on, shall we?
We went in a group of four: me, Myron, and two other big Springsteen fans, Spartan and MissCulver. Myron's got important friends all over the place—he doesn't limit his celebrity interaction to hanging with the writers at BIBTTP—and he managed to get us backstage passes. We walked backstage before the show, and within five minutes we were in conversation with Jon Landau. Yes, that Jon Landau, of whom Spartan has said, “If there were no Jon Landau, there would be no Bruce Springsteen,” a sentiment oft-echoed by those paid to discern such things. It was a Landau review of a Springsteen show in The Real Paper that catapulted Springsteen to national consciousness; it was Landau's advice that convinced Springsteen to produce Born to Run, his finest album to date; and it is Landau who has brilliantly managed the Boss' career for the last three decades. This man was a rock legend, and here he was cracking jokes with me and my friends. Needless to say, I didn't have the balls to ask him if the rumors about Tracks II—a compilation completing the work of 1998’s Tracks, which contained 64 previously unreleased Springsteen recordings—were true. Sorry guys.
After hobnobbing with a couple other cool people (none as cool as Landau, but that's a pretty high standard) we made our way to our seats, which were located in Section 1. Let's just say they call it Section 1 for a reason. This Myron, he's a pretty good guy. Have I said it before? Maybe I should say it again.
This was the second of three shows Bruce is playing in his home state of New Jersey, and after the previous night's instantly legendary performance—29 songs, three and a half hours, and just about every classic you could want—we had high expectations. While they were certainly met—Springsteen never leaves you disappointed—I'd confess they weren't met they same way I expected them to be. Sunday's show, as I said, was filled with classics: he opened with ‘Tenth Avenue Freeze-Out’; play epics like ‘Youngstown’, sweet duets like ‘Brilliant Disguise’, hard rockers like ‘Murder Incorporated’, and mega-inspiring ‘Growin' Up’; 16 other great songs; and “closed” with the rocking ‘Badlands’. Of course, Springsteen wasn't done, and the band came back out to play ‘Girls in Their Summer Clothes’ off the new Magic album followed by possibly the greatest six song combination any Bruce fan has ever dreamed of. ‘Jungleland’, ‘Born To Run’, ‘Bobby Jean’, ‘Dancing in The Dark’, ‘American Land’, and ‘Rosalita’. Any one of those songs is worth the price of admission, and six in a row… Wow. It really was the one we'd all been waiting for. Now, I’d didn’t see that concert. (Which absolutely kills me, because I found tickets on craigslist for a reasonable price, but my mom wouldn't let me drive eight hours round-trip to the show on two straight days. Jerk.)
But I still saw a very good performance, obviously. While I’d say the first night was a “thank you” to the fans for their years of love and support, the second night was more a celebration of family, of friends, of the great state of New Jersey. It wasn't what I was expecting, but it was a hell of a lot of fun.
Highlights included:
· Bruce leading a rousing rendition of ‘Happy Birthday’ for his wife (and bandmate) Patti Scialfa, who turned 55 the next day.
· The teen daughters of Springsteen and bassist Garry W. Tallent and their friends dancing out on stage to finale ‘Twist & Shout’.
· A little boy in about the fifth row had a huge sign that said: “First Show. Age 7. Harmonica Please?” and after Bruce finished wailing on ‘No Surrender,’ he walked out in the crowd and gave his harmonica to him.
· Bruce stepped to the edge of the crowd and had several sing-alongs with little kids on their parents' shoulders, putting the microphone to them for key lyrics. They all came through.
· Bruce moved into the standing-room only section for ‘Hungry Heart,’ dancing with a teenager, and turning and yelling to Patti back on stage “this is my new girl!”
· For ‘Born to Run,’ drummer Mighty Max Weinberg—yes, like the Max Weinberg 7 Max Weinberg—stepped out, and his son Jay took his place at the drums and absolutely blew the doors off. Max could be seen watching proudly from the side of the stage.
· Playing ‘Drive All Night,’ a slow and moving love song, for only the second time in the last 25 years.
· Playing ‘Held Up Without A Gun,’ a short fun little song--Bruce dedicated it “to everyone who had to pay for gas to drive the concert”--for only the third time ever.
· As Bruce began ‘Because the Night,’ Myron leaned over to me and said “Nils (E Street's tiny guitarist) usually plays a sweet solo in this song.” It didn't look like anything of the sort of going to happen, as Bruce began the song as the only one light on stage lit up, singing with minimal accompaniment. But as the song gathered steam, the focus soon shifted to Nils, who was rocking the fuck out. He fired through the solo, he clearly feeding off the crowd's energy, and he began spinning himself in a circle. Finally, he ran clear across the stage and turned a front somersault, playing all the while. Hamazing.
· ‘It's Hard to Be A Saint In The City’. This one is so freaking cool, because it almost didn't happen. See, Bruce has always been very fluid with the set list—Myron has relayed to me that the E Street performers don't see the list of songs until right before they go on—but in March or so, he got even more extreme, and began moving out into the crowd, grabbing signs that requested songs, and getting the band to play it next. That night, one of the signs he grabbed was kind of hard to read from the audience—it had a bunch of songs listed, and he was only going to pick one—but he showed it to the band and announced “we’re going to do it in 'A'.” There was immediate confusion on stage, as Bruce told his bandmates, “I know it’s supposed to be in 'C', but we’re going to try it in 'A'.” At this point, nobody one in the crowd had any idea what song it was going to be, and after Bruce stumbled through a bit of an introduction by himself, we still didn't know what was going on, and became a little worried. He stopped for a second, said to himself, “How does it go again?” and restarted. This time, there were no mistakes. ‘It’s Hard to Be A Saint in The City,’ a track off debut album Greetings from Asbury Park, N.J. rang out loud and clear, and as he strut down the street… well, for the next six minutes, in that arena of 50,000 people, it was just me and Bruce.
Really, though, I can't do the man justice. Compared to some of the fans out there--fans who saw him at the Stone Pony in Asbury Park back in the late 70's (like Spartan) or the people who saw 10 straight shows at Giants Stadium in 2003 or the countless masses that follow him across the whole country and over to Europe--I'm a huge neophyte. The best line I’ve heard was from a friend of Myron’s who’s seen over 150 concerts, when he was asked (by someone who’d never seen Bruce perform before, obviously) if he ever got tired of it. “Are you kidding me?” he replied. “There’s nothing more energizing than this.”
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
MMA Weekly Prescriptions
I don't mean to rip off the Doctor with my title but that is in fact what I did. Sorry. I could not think of a better title right now. So I just went with that. I hope everyone has been enjoying my regular MMA posts, and for those of you who have and are craving more MMA information, I have compiled a list of a few sites that I frequent regularly. Check them out and enjoy...
Sherdog
This is the foremost leader in MMA news and articles. The writers are knowledgable and they have the infamous "Fight Finder" feature. Search any name/nickname and you will get the full list of fights for that person and any person for that matter who has competed in any sort of sanctioned MMA event, ever.
Five Ounces of Pain
One of the more substance based MMA websites out there. Articles/videos added daily. The editor: Sam Caplan is one of the leading MMA reporters around. Check out this site if you want to find out what is going on in the MMA world and what is going to happen in the near future.
MMA Weekly
I only look at this site for the rumor section. It provides a clear list of upcoming MMA events and which fights are likely to occur on those dates. For the MMA fan, this knowledge is so exciting. A fight fan has trouble waiting a week for a fight, let alone three months and MMA Weekly provides news about events that have not even been finalized yet. So if you're looking to see who your favorite fighter will be taking on next, check out this site.
MMA Junkie
Much like BIBTTP, this site is a blog site that was created by a hardcore MMA fan and which has blossomed into one of the most viewed MMA sites out there. The articles are very informative and the site has a partnership with Yahoo Sports and publishes stories from Yahoo MMA writers as well. The articles are short (which is good for my short attention span) and it even has a tutorial for the fan thinking about betting/wagering on MMA fights. Check it out.
Well I hope you will find these sites as enjoyable as I do, and I promise you that viewing them daily will make you a much more knowledgable MMA fan and will get you hooked on the sport in no time.
Enjoy...Do Work
theShow
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Greetings from Redskins Training Camp
Peter King was sent to Ashburn, VA on July 25, 2008 to report on the Redskins’ training camp for SI.com. After reading King’s article, SI editors decided it was insufficient, so they sent me to get the inside report on the Skins’ camp. I took the trip to Redskins’ Park, their year-round training facility, one day after King did. It was Fan Appreciation Day and 28,000 fans showed up to watch the team’s practice. The team warmed up, did some position drills, and then played an intra-squad scrimmage. Basically, the first, second, and third units took turns driving up the field, starting from their own 35. Afterward, many of the players interacted with the fans, signing autographs. I was two yards off the line in endzone the offense was driving away from during the scrimmage but where the offense skill positions did their drills. Here are my observations and thoughts:
Observations/Notes
- Chris Cooley is the fan favorite of the Redskins nation. And rightfully so, as he was one of only two players wearing yellow socks at the practice. It helps your population rating when you are the favorite player of every single female fan. (Cooley is seen right, #47).
- I am 5’9” and ¾. Santana Moss, Antwaan Randle El, and Rock Cartwright are all shorter than me. Chris Samuels, Jon Jansen, and Jason Taylor are taller than me. It is really cool seeing these giants playing on the same field as these small dudes.
- Clinton Portis is the star of the team (more eyes on him than anyone else, but not as beloved Cooley) and he acts like it. Portis came out on to the field wearing a Skins baseball cap backwards, put his helmet on for about 15 minutes and then returned to the sideline with the cap. Portis was the only back or receiver to drop a pass in a drill catching balls out of the backfield. He was also the only player wearing a yellow shirt under their jersey (you could see because most players had their jersey tucked up under their shoulder pads). He seemed like the relaxed funny guy you see in interview. He is the Skins' franchise back and he knows it.
- The scrimmage was full contact (except for QBs) and the first big hit really got the fans riled up.
- You know the players were going full speed because DT Anthony Montgomery fractured his hand during the scrimmage.
- Most of the studs only took a few reps during the scrimmage and some of them, like Portis and Taylor, didn’t play at all.
- Rookie TE Fred Davis made me regret selecting Jets TE Dustin Keller instead of him in the rookie draft of my dynasty fantasy football league.
- QB Todd Collins led the second team instead of rookie Colt Brennan. At first I was confused why the promising Brennan wouldn’t be the back up, but after watching both, now I understand why Collins is the #2 QB. Collins may not have the physical tools Brennan does, but he moved the ball effectively up the field and didn’t screw up. Brennan struggled to maintain a drive, repeatedly making mistakes. If they were playing full contact with QBs too, Brennan would have been crushed about a quarter of the reps he took. Poor Derek Devine, a QB one year out of
- Rock Cartwright signed autographs with his mouth piece in his mouth.
- The coolest piece of memorabilia that I saw at the dozens of stands was a framed photograph of the Redskins “missing man formation,” signed by ever Redskin that was on the field for that play. In the Redskins first defensive play of the game after
- In his article, King states that he thinks
Uniforms
- Like I said, Cooley was one of the only players wearing yellow socks, and they were sweet. The few other players that were wearing socks wore black ones.
- Most players’ helmets had the Redskins’ logo on both sides but some were bare.
- Many of the skill players wore new black and yellow Nike cleats that are very nice. None of the linemen wore these flashy cleats, instead choosing plain black ones.
- Injured rookie wide receivers Malcolm Kelly and Devin Thomas were wearing sweet practice shorts. Standard NFL issued shorts probably, but still, very cool.
- The Redskins’ fans are pretty rabid. 87% of fans were wearing Redskins paraphernalia and 50% were wearing a jersey.
- Starting QB Jason Campbell is improving but he still has a way to go in earning the trust of Redskins fans. I saw 5 fans wearing Joe Theismann jerseys and one wearing a Mark Brunell. I only saw 4
- Other former Redskins were well represented by fans wearing their jerseys. I saw multiple people wearing the jerseys of Jon Riggins, Lavar Arrington, and of course, Sean Taylor.
- Fans were also wearing some Redskins players’ jerseys from former teams. I saw a Miami Hurricanes Portis jersey, Miami Dolphins Taylor jersey, and most exciting, a younger kid was wearing a Colt Brennan Hawaii jersey.
- If I had to guess, Cooley and Portis jerseys would be tied with for the most worn by fans.
Play of the Day
- Fourth year receiver Billy McMullen made the most exciting play of the day. McMullen ran a 15 yard post and rose up with the safety and cornerback. Each player had a shot at the ball and McMullen snatched it out of the hands of the safety while still in the air. He came down with the ball, quickly broke away from the two defenders and took it 35 yards to the house, stiff arming another D-back on the way.
Personal Highlights of the Day
- One fan was wearing a blue Seahawks Steve Largent jersey. Awesome.
- I also saw a woman with the most legit mullet ever. I had no idea women could, or would, put their hair into a mullet. Apparently in
Read More......
Weekly Prescriptions: 7/27
Welcome to yet another edition of your favorite weekly blog posting: Weekly Prescriptions with your host, Doctor Dozer. I'm coming off a hell of a weekend, and I'm going to do all I can to inspire you to share my joy as we enter a new week. And the Yankees won. And great weather for the beach. I am tan in a way my computer can never make me. Anyway, here are your weekly doses of Dozer. Love them.
1. Mortal Kombat vs. Street Fighter 2
I clicked the "Ready" button thinking I'd be able to tool around with an old fighting game that I didn't remember playing. Something SuperNES or Sega Genesis style. Instead, I got to watch a great short film about love and bravery and honor all done with 4 simple characters (cough 5) from the games Mortal Kombat and Street Fighter. Stick it out at least until the fighting scenes start. It's just really awesome from then on. You won't be disappointed.
2. Side View
I thought this was pretty clever. Basically, you enter a word or name and the program spits out a way to create it in 3D so that from one side it is your word and from a perspective 90 degrees to the right it looks like a different word. I tried some myself and got a few very appropriate results. Try "DocDozer," "DocDozerf" (that was a typo, but it's perfect), and SOBDD. Fun for about five minutes, but I'm not promising anything MORE than that so you can't get mad at me.
3. Best Doo Doo Pie Story... Ever
Maybe it's wrong of me to hype this story up so much, but I really had a good time reading it. It starts slow, setting tone, mood, scene. Then things start to build up (in his bowels) and all of the sudden there is action... stinky, dirty action. Just read it through. Sure the guy is over the top sometimes, but deal with it. And whether it happened or not, it's a great read. If it were true, could you even handle an image accompanying the story? I think not.
4. Graffiti Tag
The absurdity of this comic is fantastic. It's worth the 15 seconds it will take to click and read. I won't spend any more time describing it. Just read it already!
5. Realistic Lego Portrait
I simply appreciate the artist's depiction of the subject. At first, it seems like some abstract figure, but after maybe 3 seconds, you'll have one of those "Ohhhhh" moments. Nice job, dude.
6. Carveboard
I've dabbled in surfing, skateboarding, snowboarding, roller blading. All of it. But this thing is friggin' awesome. I frequently take late night skates around campus on my longboard (no, I'm not a weirdo hippie), but taking this thing out and around campus to dominate hills would be awesome. Innovative and neat. Take a look.
7. The Path Ahead
Just a little foreshadowing. A little taste of what you can expect the rest of the week, the rest of the summer, the rest of the year, the rest of... everything. Don't stop, get it, get it.
The Doctor
Friday, July 25, 2008
Yankees vs. Sox With Even More At Stake?
This evening begins the 3-game series between the New York Yankees and the Boston Red Sox. Not only is the series crucial to the playoff hopes of both teams involved, but a lot is riding on it for...
us.
That's right, the staff at BIBTTP is very polarized when it comes to New York and Boston sports. Hailing from just outside Boston, SoBDD was born and raised staring up at the the Green Monster in awe, living as a proud citizen of Red Sox nation, and basking in the team's overall gayness. theShow and myself, however, grew up on Long Island (no, we're not THOSE GUYS and they DON'T REPRESENT THIS ISLAND!!!) and have grown up loving the Bronx Bombers, dreaming of the pinstripes, and demanding yet ANOTHER World Series victory year in and year out.
Although the stakes this weekend are high, they are simply not high enough for us. We want more.
And that's where you come in. If you have any good ideas about what SoBDD and I should wager (anything goes), tell us in the comments. The bet is on either way, we just don't know what's at stake. We'll take suggestions through Sunday and will have a neutral source pick the best reward/punishment that is submitted.
May the Yankees win.
MMA Event this Weekend - Watch It
Just an FYI to all you budding MMA fans out there. This Saturday night, EliteXC will be televising their second network MMA event on CBS. Yes this is the same organization that promotes Kimbo Slice, but luckily he will not be fighting on this card and in fact the show has two very good matchups. The names may not be household names, but the four fighters will most likely make for two exciting/back and forth fights. The first is a welterweight(156 lbs-170 lbs) matchup between Jake Shields and Nick Thompson for the first ever EliteXC welterweight championship. And the second is the rematch between Middleweight(171 lbs-184 lbs) Champion Robbie Lawler and challenger Scott Smith. This is actually a fight that took place on the first CBS card in May, and was clearly the most exciting fight of the night until it was cut short by a referee stoppage due to a finger from Robbie Lawler into the eye of Scott Smith. It is not necessary to get into the specifics of these fighters, because that can be boring, but here are some exciting facts:
"Ruthless" Robbie Lawler has 17 wins in his career - 14 by Knockout/TKO
Scott "Hands of Steel" Smith has 13 career wins - 11 by Knockout/TKO
Those are good odds, so be prepared for some fireworks, I know I am.
The event starts at 9 pm on CBS and for more information visit
EliteXC's official site.
Enjoy the fights!
Monday, July 21, 2008
Josh Hamilton
I know the Doctor has already written about him, and this may come a little late. I haven't really been able to fulfill my blogging duties and for that I am sorry. With my first entry in a while, I find it appropriate to give my respect and write about Josh Hamilton, on a night where he broke...actually where he obliterated several barriers, and not just the right field fences of Yankee Stadium. First and foremost, I think you deserve to see one of the many moments that brought Yankee Stadium up to its feet, a feat...if you will...that seems impossible to achieve if you do not wear the pinstripes.
Yes, Josh Hamilton did not "officially" hit a ball out of Yankee Stadium, an accomplishment only one person may have achieved in the past, a story that many consider to be somewhat of a myth as well. If you look carefully, and stop the video at exactly 26 seconds, you will see the ball trajectory is taking it right in between the BudLight sign and the Bank of American sign. The ONLY reason that ball did not go out, is because that area of the "white fance" that decorates the top of Yankee Stadium is what looks to be a solid pillar that holds one of the flags. A few inches to the right or left, that ball would have definitely been out. The thing is...that ball wasn't the "farthest" one hit. That ball was measured at 502 feet, where one of the longer ones was measured in at 518, a bomb that reached (reached is actually an understatement) the "black hole" and seemed reminiscent of a familiar player who was only a few feet away, watching Josh do his thing: Reggie Jackson.
Josh hit some of the farthest and most powerful balls Yankee Stadium has ever seen. As he swung his bat, with "The Dream" inscribed on it, hitting home-run after home-run, he finally took a moment at around his 17th, and looked around, smiling and absorbing the moment. Almost as a tribute, Yankee Stadium started playing music from The Natural. Yankee faithful who had no home-town favorite, quickly adopted Hamilton, as everyone else in the stadium did. Hamilton didn't take long to make all 50,000 fans stand up, as by his second home-run the stadium exploded (and I remember him laughing and humbly saying "that's only two, that's only two"), and by the third most fans had stood up to get a better glimpse of the balls he was hitting.
Josh has certainly come a long way since his days as a drug addict. To all of the skeptics out there, Hamilton is subject to three drug tests a week. But Josh doesn't subject himself to the standards enforced by MLB. He is active in his own way to make sure he stays clean. When he first signed on to the Cincinnati Reds, in an effort to re-launch his career, he made it a point that the only way he would play for them, would be to have a close friend to look after him and make sure he was keeping clean. Johnny Narron, brother of then manager of the Reds Jerry Narron, was Hamilton's high school coach, and joined the Reds staff helping with scouting and hitting instruction, but most importantly helping Josh take the necessary steps to remain clean. Narron's help went as far as literally managing Josh's money, to prove to the Red's front office, MLB, and himself that he was in fact staying clean.
Some may look at it and say, "You know, if he really needs a babysitter for that, then he shouldn't even be playing in the first place".
In response to that, I consider Josh's proactivity in finding a trusting figure to help him out through the difficult and exhausting process of fighting an addiction to be quite admirable. Few people find the will power, let alone fight through the judgements and to some degree embarassment, to have what some may call a "babysitter" to look after them.
Anyway, I write this because I think Josh deserves the respect after showcasing what he can do. He can certainly be one of the top players in MLB. He can certainly hit balls as far as anyone has ever seen. He can certainly fight through the obstacles of a drug addiction. And in a stadium where I've witnessed grown men yell terrible terrible things at 8 year-olds wearing the away team's colors, Josh can certainly make 50,000+ people stand up from their seats, and chant his name.
I remember sitting next to the Doctor, patiently waiting for Josh to come up, as he kept saying "yeah, I think Sizemore has a good chance, I like him". Honestly, I expected Josh to give some competiton. But no-one, except for maybe him, was expecting the display of raw power and ability he gave. I was up and out of my seat after his second home-run. To put it simply, only because I'm starting to sound redundant, I couldn't believe what was happening that night. I still get chills when I watch the clips, and hear the chants. It seemed as though the night was his from the very beginning. Yankee Stadium, as of that night, had 32 home games left and it was being clearly displayed in deep center field. (Josh's number for the Rangers). They had placed Josh in the last spot of the batting order, a detail I noted to the Doctor as we were sitting there watching the batters go through, to which he responded semi-jokingly, "yep they always save the best for last". Derek Jeter (America's Captain as many call him) was asked who he thought would win the contest, and he responded with Hamilton's name (he may not have won the tropy, but like the Doctor pointed out, everyone will forget Morneau's win). This was the 23rd installment of the Home Run Derby, and although now I may be playing a bit of numerology, 23 is 32 backgrounds...and nevertheless 23 is a phenomenal number as both the Doctor and I will attest to that. It was the first and last Home Run Derby at Yankee Stadium...Hamilton had a dream, years ago, before he re-launched his career and way before Yankee stadium had been designated as the All-Star game for 2008, in which he was being interviewed at Yankee Stadium during the Midsummer Classic. And finally, he is one of very few players, who have managed to get all 50,000 seats in Yankee Stadium to stand and cheer his name.
Josh Hamilton will cruusssshh you.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Weekly Prescriptions: 7-20
Welcome back from a long week of the grind, people. It's nice to have you here. Living up to the nerd standards that SoBDD proposed, I, too, saw The Dark Knight this weekend and may have something in store for you regarding it. Just not yet. So for now, take what he said and run with it. In other news, it's been almost 100 degrees over the course of this week's end, and that sucks. But hey! Stick around, and we'll get you some things to help you through these truly dog days of summer. Picks after the jump.
1. Running for Office: Steve Tevis
I don't know this man. I don't know much about Kansas (Dorothy?). And I certainly don't know much about the office of State Representative there. But I know this: I like this guy. I like what he stands for, but more importantly how he stands for it. As Obama is doing now, Tevis is trying to point out the failures of the political system. Name recognition wins elections. Obama, however, has been doing what most Democrats love to do: saying one thing and doing the other. They're rich but claim to be champions for the poor to bring down the rich. They claim to want to help the environment, but cannot do anything to limit their own pollution and energy consumption(Al "Faggot Baby-Toucher" Gore). And in Obama's case, he's against traditional politics but PLAYS THE GAME THAT THEY ALL PLAY! This guy, though, really is operating outside of our traditional political system. He's doing what he says he's going to do right out of the gate. Making comics, referencing xkcd for Pete's sake! I hope he wins, I really do.
2. Time For Some Campaignin'
I had one more video for you guys while we're on our political stint. This one is a nice sing-along video from the guys at Jib Jab highlighting the current state of national politics in the United States. Take a gander. It might take a second viewing to get a legitimate chuckle out of you, but definitely worth a look. I loved the Barack part. The voice actor, the unicorns, and the... what is it he's about again? Take a look for reminding.
3. Toilet Paper: Over or Under?
If you haven't discovered this already, I'm a guy that's relatively certain he's correct about basically everything. Even in those timeless debates where people adamantly disagree with the other side. Like the "couldn't care less" versus "could care less" debate. Teh-may-toe versus teh-mah-toe. Overhand rolling toilet paper versus underhand. Regarding the last one, I was an overhand guy through and through, sometimes threatening my mother with knives when she did it wrong. I never knew what my reasons were though... until now. The guys over at Current Configuration did a fantastic job explaining this important life lesson for everyone. They use diagrams and professional language to express what I've always known deep down: underhanded toilet paper is for the fruits.
4. Gonzo Journalism
This picture has made me laugh, giggle, or smile like a little boy every time I've looked at it. Maybe it's something about feeling so close to Gonzo. Or maybe it's the outfit of a shuffle-board playing Floridian retiree (which gets me thinking this may be a "this is what Gonzo's doing now" shot, which is totally awesome). Or maybe it's the filtered cigarette, which is so out-of-right-field that I can't fathom who thought of it. Or maybe it's his drooping-dick nose. I also love Animal here. God bless the Muppets and whoever thought up this photograph.
5. Hidden Kitten Attack
I'm going to end this week with a parade of cuteness. I know, it seems uncharacteristic of your cock-showing, boob-squeezing creep of a doctor, but sometimes my heartstrings need tugging, just like my.... yeah. So to start us off, here is a kitten sneak-attacking his owner. I mean, if you're capable of not smiling every time he retreats back into his prime, Rambo-esque ambush location, I doubt you have a pulse. I mean, I don't even know how to describe the cuteness. Go watch this now, then go steal your friends cat and make it do the same thing. If it can't, shoot it in the head (artificial toughness to balance the world out).
6. Faces of the Earth
This is a list of photographs of things that resemble faces. From sink faucets to car front ends, they don't miss a beat. Maybe not as cute as the sneak-attack kitten, but it should elicit a grin or smirk from our more light-hearted readers. My favorites are definitely the second and third pictures...
7. Feet
Last but not least, one of the cutest/most romantic photos I've seen in a while. I tried describing it to a friend of mine earlier and realized there was nothing I could possibly do to sound any more gay. So I'll leave you with this: the implications of this simple, black and white photo aren't anything profound, but maybe that's the point. A simple photo with a simple implication, a simple message, and a simple x in the corner to escape when you can no longer stand the emotion of it all.
Hope you enjoyed taking those meds half as much as I enjoyed prescribing them. If there's any undesirable side effects, talk to blogsquatch. He'd love to nurse most any guy or girl back to full health.
Rx: Take each pill once every 6 hours on a full stomach
Signed: Doctor Dozer
(I accept good blowies as payment)
Saturday, July 19, 2008
BIBTTP Reviews... The Dark Knight
As our Superhero draft showed, we're a bunch of nerds here at Bigfoot Is Blurry, That's The Problem. So with the big-time nerd movie of the summer hitting the theaters last midnight, of course I was there.
As the last preview rolled, the DC Comics logo flashed, and the screen went black for the 12:01 showing of "The Dark Knight", a strange thought popped in my head. Even though I'd been eagerly awaiting its release, watching every trailer, reading every review, going to see the movie as soon as humanly possible, I didn't want to see this movie. Everything I had seen, everything I had read, everything I had heard had told me how great "The Dark Knight" was going to be. And yet... what if it wasn't? What if they'd all been setting me up for some spectacular failure, if the explosions were crappy, if the storyline didn't make any sense, and if, worst of all, Heath Ledger's much-hailed Joker performance turned out to be a hack job. If I didn't see it, if it never started, I could always imagine it to be that truly great film, and I would never need fear disappointment.
What an idiot I was. "The Dark Knight" was everything I had been promised and more. To be clear--for the movie itself is not afraid to be blunt about it--this is the story of opposites, of light and darkness. District Attorney Harvey Dent (Nick Nolte of "Thank You For Smoking") is Gotham City's "White Knight", while Batman is its eponymous "Dark Knight". We are poignantly reminded that is it always darkest before the dawn. And characters are constantly fighting their own dual natures, as the dark and light that is in all of us fights for control.
I could go into some whole deep-psyche thing and talk about how both Bruce Wayne and Dent are each torn between the light, how other characters reveal their own struggles, too, and how each of us, truly, must confront that evil lurking within, balance it with the good we have and share with the world. But I'm not going to do that.
Instead, I'm going to talk about the Joker.
Now, I don't know how the Oscars voters are going to react to this. I don't know if they're going to be hestitant to recognize someone who's dead, or someone who was in a summer superhero blockbuster flick, or someone who spends the whole movie wearing ridiculous makeup. Hell, I don't even know if Ledger would be up for Best Actor or Best Supporting. But he'd better win. Because my God, what an amazing performance.
See, characters are usually great because of their complexity. As I said, in "The Dark Knight" we see figures torn between the light and the darkness, between good and evil, and these characters are great, and plenty complex. But with Ledger's Joker--and make no mistake about it: this Ledger's Joker, and the Joker is Ledger; Nicholson can suck it--there is no complexity. He is an absolute: he came out of nowhere, he wants nothing, and he won't be back. (That's not in any way a spoiler, just observing that no one else could put what Ledger did into the Joker.) Cast into a black-and-white morality play, the Joker is like a top spinning through a chessboard: he has no time for or interest in rules. As Alfred remarks of him, "Some men just like to watch the world burn." Madness personified, the nihilist Joker is spectacular because he's so simple. Let others determine the morality of their actions, let others fight it out for the soul of Gotham, let others struggle between light and dark. While the world around him burns, he is.
RIP, Heath. You put your heart and soul into this one.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Weekly Draft 1: Unsung Superheroes
Welcome to a new segment we're starting this week. As fantasy and sports nerds past, present, and future, we love all things that are drafts and drafting. But we really don't have enough opportunities to enjoy this interest of ours. Apart from our one or two fantasy drafts a year and a hand full of sports drafts that are worth while, for a long time we didn't know where to turn to feed our drafting urges. Well, now we do. In this new segment, we'll be drafting all kinds of different topics. Our goals are simple: to find an outlet for this need we have and to do it in hilarious fashion.
This week: Superheroes we'd most like to see made into a modern movie.
Drafters in order: SoBDD, Doctor Dozer, theShow, blogsquatch
1.1 - SoBDD - Captain America
His recent tragic death aside, there is no superhero I’d like to see get his own vehicle more than blurryfoot Captain America. Though Superman claims to stand for “Truth, Justice, and the American Way,” there is no costumed crimefighter more American than Captain America. Born weak and sickly, Steve Rogers became strong and good-looking through that distinctly American practice of pulling himself up by his bootstraps utilizing the wonders of science to cure his ills. His liberal "the government should solve all my problems" attitude patriotism is such that he handed himself over to the military to be experimented on. Now, he sticks his nose in other people's business serves America and humanity as a “super-soldier”, clad in red, white, and blue. (No flag pin questions with this guy!) Though there was a 1990 direct-to-video Captain America film, it is high time for another version starring, of course, Stephen Colbert.
1.2 - Doctor Dozer - The Ambiguously Gay Duo of Ace and Gary
If it isn't clear to you already, I like gay jokes. They are quite hilarious, and I'm not ashamed to say it. That being said, superheroes, as blogsquatch's recent superhero fashion guide post showed us, are straddling the line between normality and gayness. One more inch, and they'd be over. Well thankfully, Ace and Gary take us that inch and deliver us unto the promised land of unchecked jokes about the gay. In addition, SNL has a history of solid skits transitioning well into movies. From The Blues Brothers and Wayne's World to Superstar and Ladies' Man, they've done pretty well thus far. And let's be real, the recent slew of superheroes movies are in need of some serious mockery. Last but certainly not least, the voice actors for Ace and Gary are Stephen Colbert and Steve Carell, respectively. A movie with these two as the leads, whether it is animated or real life, would be damned funny. MAKE THIS MOVIE! (Ed. note: So we like Colbert, okay?)
1.3 - theShow - Hawkeye
I've always had a soft spot in my heart for Hawkeye. He is one of those forgotten superheroes and therefore well under-represented in the tv/movie realm. As a kid I loved action figures and the day I found Hawkeye is a day that I will always remember. Seeing that dark purple suit with his bow and arrow and quiver, complete with actual individual arrows. Very cool. Anyway, he is legit and can pull off the purple very nicely. Another attribute that makes him cool is the fact that he does not really have any superhuman abilities. He is just an excellent athlete (much like myself) with tremendous bow and arrow abilities. Hell he is even an accomplished acrobat and aerialist. Take that Captain America. I think it's time for the lesser superheroes to start popping up and Hawkeye should be the first. I mean they made "Daredevil" for God sakes. Can't they make this then. Let's make it happen and get a bad-ass actor like Eric Bana or Daniel Craig to portray him.
1.4 - blogsquatch - The Shadow
Yes, the Shadow was made into a movie in 1994 starring Alec Baldwin and yes this is supposed to be about unsung heroes that haven't been cinematized just yet, but this guy is awesome and I can just picture such an amazing movie from him (which they're already in the process of making...). He's a telepathic guy that is basically invisible when he wants to be, is a great marksman, and a gifted student of the martial arts (mixed or otherwise). He was evil for the longest time, but was brought to the "light side" by a bunch of Tibetan monks he came across. Anyway, this is an evil man! No wishy-washy emo Spiderman stuff in this movie. It would be more along the lines of Batman Begins (now that I think about it, almost exactly like it), but way darker. Well, whether I'm wrong or right, one thing is for sure: this movie is already in production, and I think it's going to be sick.
2.1 - blogsquatch - Aquaman
Some people say I look like Vince Chase (played by Adrian Grenier) of Entourage. Well you know what? I sort of do. I also really enjoy the work of James Cameron who directs the Aquaman film starring Vince in the show. I would definitely also blow off another director if I were to have already committed to him to be his star if James Cameron offered me the lead in Aquaman. What I'm trying to say is that Vince and I are very similar. But I'm better because I lax and I blog. Suck it, Vince.
2.2 - theShow - Wonder Woman
Yes that is right I picked a female superhero. I think it is time for a blockbuster movie about a hot, scantily clad chick kicking some bad guy ass. The Wonder Woman outfit is very easy on the eyes, as long as you fill it with someone worthy of exposing that much skin. I like to think Jessica Alba would have no problem doing that (I didn't like her as a superhero in "Fantastic 4"', but this role might work better than that one). Or maybe even Angelina Jolie, but she might not be PG-13 enough for this role. Get any hot actress (preferably one with some acting ability) and stuff her in those tights and low-cut top and we have ourselves and excellent flick right there! (Ed. note: Because that formula worked so well for "Catwoman"...)
2.3 - Doctor Dozer - Megaman
I want to see a Megaman movie for mostly one reason: Megaman was a nickname of mine in high school. Yes, an upperclassman on my football team called me Megaman. Was it because I had Mega ability? Was it because my quarterbacking arm was interchangeable as well as devastating? Was it because I had a flying robotic dog? No. It was because I had a big head and because it looked bigger in the Peyton Manning-esque helmet I wore as a junior. That was the reason. But I was dominant and my arm was more devastating than a large cannon blast from Megaman's power arm after holding down the B button for over thirty seconds. I know, right? And the thing is that I really was that good. Really.
2.4 - SoBDD - A Villain
Just as Christopher Nolan's "Batman" and Sam Raimi's "Spider-Man" have reimagined their heroes with an eye towards the psychological demons superheroes must face, it would be fascinating to take a look at this whole good-evil thing from the other side. Sure, we all know Batman fights crime because of his daddy issues, and Spider-Man is a big ninny who feels bad if one person in a city of 12 million ever experiences discomfort (sounds like a pinko Democrat!) (Ed. note: or, you know, like Christ.) but why does any particular Supervillian behave in such a strange Supervilliany manner? Like, every villain (hell, everybody) wants to get rich and powerful, but what's with all the Supervilliany Z strange behaviors? I'm not talking about an anti-hero (think V from V For Vendetta or the Punisher); these figures work for the greater benefit, and their psyches have been well-explored. I want to plumb the depths of a man(Ed. note: He wants to plumb the depths of a man? Ultra-gay.)'s mind who has great abilities, yet purposely and knowingly works against the good of humanity. Perhaps a movie told from the villain's perspective can explain our questions away.
3.1 - SoBDD - Tom Brady
Hold your fire, Doctor Dozer. (Yes, I know that's difficult what with Brady's studliness and your, um, condition, but you'll have to do the best you can.) My third and final superhero selection is indeed Tom Brady, quarterback for the New England Patriots. Tom Brady is, without a doubt, the finest quarterback in the NFL. His good looks and charm leave nothing to be desired, and his girlfriend, Gisele Bundchen, is possibly the most beautiful woman on the planet, in addition to being extremely wealthy. Every man in this country wants to be him. Every woman in this country wants to do him--and hell, so of the men do, too. There is nothing Tom Brady could ever want for. Now tell me: if that's not being a superhero, what is?
3.2 - Doctor Dozer - Captain Planet
Everyone knows Al Gore is possibly the biggest whacko out there preaching fire and brimstone to the people of the world right now. Yes, we have to take care of our planet or it will blow up or something awful or blah blah blah ploygamy, terrorism, Iran. I've heard it all before, folks, when I was much younger and my head was just as large (literally) as it as now. That's right: CAPTAIN PLANET! Now he was a hero. He would take polluters down to zero. And above all else, one of the elements of the Earth that was called upon in order to call Captain Planet was Heart. You remember, I know. That kid that looked like he was from the Jungle Book. Well I can tell you this about Captain Planet: Rudyard Kipling hated people from India. And Captain Planet had blue skin and green hair. Beat that, characters from Doug! Oh wait. Crap, they do, too. Ummmmm....I guess my last point is that Al Gore sucks. Yeah, that'll do it.
3.3 - theShow - Gambit
I'm going to make this short and sweet. I sat through three X-Men movies and every time I was pissed to see that my favorite comic mutant was left out. Gambit spoke with a cool accent (Cajun) used a bo staff to beat down his enemies, and threw flaming playing cards. That's all that needs to be said. He is so damn cool. I just read that he will be portrayed in the new Wolverine movie by some dude from the Friday Night Lights tv show. That is weak having some no-name kid play Gambit. Give him his own movie and have the Govenator Arnold Schwarzenegger play him. I mean an Austrian accent and a Cajun accent are basically the same anyway.
3.4 – blogsquatch - The Green Lantern
I am a Mexican. Well, I guess Spanish-Mexican, but who's counting? As a Mexican (more or less), I love all that is our culture: tequila, coronas, Aztec warriors, tamales... you get the picture. As such, I did a little digging for a Mexican superhero and I present to you... no one. None worth writing about at the very least. So, instead, I choose another minority: John Stewart, the black Green Lantern. Now, there are more than one Green Lantern because his powers, power over the Earth around him, comes from a ring he wears that is given to him by the Guardians of the Universe. Only those that possess the willpower and inner strength the wield the rings are granted them. So clearly I would have a ring. Anyway, they're all green and they kill shit. And besides Hancock, how many minority superheroes have we had? We're well overdue. GREEEEEEN!
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Weekly Prescriptions: 7-13
Hello my malady-ridden readers. Welcome to yet another edition of Weekly Prescriptions. Sorry for the lateness, but I had a case of "hideously pale skin" syndrome (an ailment approaching epidemic levels for college-aged men and women working ridiculously long hours for summer internships) and needed eight man hours in the sun on Sunday (appropriate, no?). In fact, part of that outdoor excursion included a tennis match between theShow and myself versus my dad, High Whites, and Fabrieccio. More on that, and of course some medicine to help you through the week, after the jump.
If you're not interested in the recounting of my tennis tale from Sunday, feel free to skip ahead. For everyone else, read on.
First, a little side note. Thanks to friend of the blog Cheb Khalid, we've had a recent fascination with giving one another nicknames that end in "man." The other guys have some funny ones, ranging from "pizza man" to "metro man," but mine is simply "aggressive man." I suffer from chronic, out-of-control competitive and killer spirit, which is commonly called COCKS. Anyway, I hate to lose, even in small time games with family or friends, old guys or little kids. With that in mind, you can almost picture me standing out there on the court. No shirt, Renton shorts, and a crappy Garnier Fructis bandana on my head (worn in the thick Rafa style) that was mirrored on the head of theShow (we asked High Whites if we could borrow a couple of bandanas, and he gave us the most awful ones he could find). One last aside before I recount the events: I am not a good tennis player.
So, despite a few good volleys and a whole lot of dominant athleticism (including your faithful Doctor crushing the tennis ball into High Whites' stomach without an apology), theShow and I quickly went down 2 sets to 0. The old man had played another game earlier in the day, so he told us that he'd play only one more set, but only if we wanted to lose again.
Being the man that I am, I said of course we'd play, and I didn't stop there. I kept talking, and wound up guaranteeing victory in the final set. Well, I may not have been sure of it at the time, but the fact that it was said made me even more aggressive and competitive. Despite our lack of talent and prior failings, we had to win.
And win we did. It was beautiful. We hadn't broken old man's serve all day, and we started out up 4-0. We were just hustling, dominating play at the net, and keeping everything in play. A few games later we were up 5-3, our advantage, match point. I was sick of playing around. theShow served, and the volley went for a while. We exchanged sides right and left a few times too many, and all of a sudden I was far too close to the center line. Fabrieccio hit a shot to the open court and we both made to run it down, him coming up from behind and to the left and me running almost straight back to it. We're both going to reach it, but I called him off. I wanted this one. I've played squash before, and this shot was all too reminiscent of those glory days (which I'll try to write about sometime soon). I reach the ball, wrist cocked properly, and hook it behind me right over the top of the net to the old guy. It dies as it reaches him, but he wasn't prepared anyway. The shot was too pure, too improbable, and too perfect. He got a racket to it and buried it into the net. We won.
And that is what this story was about. Winning with the odds stacked against you. Betting on yourself, the underdog, because you know that there is no way to stop the competitive drive living inside of you. There's just no way you can lose. And you don't.
Well, I hoped you enjoyed that little foray into the life of the Doctor. Now, without further ado, your cocktail of weekly prescriptions
Barracuda Bouncers
This video is disturbing and appalling. Seriously, don't watch it if you have a weak stomach. What the video shows is a bunch of bouncers at a bar called "The Barracuda Bar" somewhere in Florida mercilessly beating random people that apparently give them lip or attitude. Now you may be thinking, "But Doctor, fighting is cool, bro!" To which I would respond with a resounding "Absolutely!" But this isn't fighting. This is savage and repeated beating. The site says they were charged and not convicted. I just can't believe it. Watch for yourself, and never go out to any bar by yourself.
Cartwheel Knockout
Like I was saying early, Doctor Dozer does like good, clean fighting, kids! Mixed Martial Arts, as theShow will readily tell you, is a great sport for competitors and spectators alike. This video came across my screen thanks to SoBDD, so enjoy one on him. He made me repay him with a blowy, so I hope it was worth it to you, the reader. Obviously this doesn't compare to an 8 second knockout or a flying knee or spinning back fist landing perfectly to close a fight, but it's a damn cartwheel! A cartwheel kicking someone in the face! Try that one on your little sister, and don't tell you mom where you learned it. But DO tell your friends.
The Rock
As I sit at work lately, I read a lot about the coming presidential election. Comments from the campaign trail, predictions from analysts, analysis of analysis, and voters' opinions. Basically as much as I can find. What really has struck me lately is the lack of patriotism in this great nation. Barack is basically willing people to vote BECAUSE they are not proud of the country they are living in. And conservative organizations keep telling everyone how upset they are with their centrist nominee that they might not vote at all. What I haven't been hearing about, lately, are stories like these. I don't think I can add anything to what's said on the site, but definitely take a look. It's nice to know people still support the military and the job the soldiers are doing.
FFToday
Continuing on my buildup to fantasy drafts in leagues everywhere, here is another free fantasy football site that I love. This site doesn't have all the millions of articles that the pay sites do, nor do they have any free software or applications to take advantage of. The draw for them, then, is that their statistical analysis is some of the best in the business. They run numbers to test theories that are held industry-wide, discover new ways to properly value players, and are willing to take risks and admit when they have been wrong. Just a great site with some great writers. If you need a place to start, read everything ever written by Matt Waldman. You will not regret it.
Batman On Your Mother
Here's a throw away in honor of the Dark Knight release later this week. I'm not really sure whether or not the Joker will make Batman look this clown-like or not, although smart money is on Heath Ledger, I mean the Joker, to be dead... yeah that was tasteless. I actually very much respect Heath Ledger and am very sorry he's no longer with us. Let his performance be the one everyone says it is. Let it be one for the ages, one for the Oscars. And let this movie be as ridiculously awesome as this picture is flat out ridiculous.
MMA 101 - Lesson I
With the emergence of the freak show and youtube sensation that is Kimbo Slice, and the popular reality show: The Ultimate Fighter on Spike TV, the mainstream public has been introduced (finally) to the world of Mixed Martial Arts, or MMA for short. I am an avid follower/fan/enthusiast of this fast-growing sport and have been for quite a long time now and felt compelled to impart some of my knowledge to our loyal readers in hopes that you will become TRUE fans of the sport as well. The world of MMA is a little confusing and it is important to separate the real from the ridiculous and absurd. So I decided to start by busting some common myths in the world of MMA. So let us begin Lesson I...
Regardless of what ESPN will have you believe, the Ultimate Fighting Championships(UFC) is not the only organization that puts on MMA fights/events. Not even close. They are certainly the pioneers of the MMA world because they created The Ultimate Fighter reality show four years ago and their popularity has been growing by leaps and bounds due to the success of the show, but it pains me to hear people talk about MMA and refer to it simply as UFC fighting, or even worse, CAGEFIGHTING! For God's sakes never use that term please, I beg you. Yes, UFC fights do take place in a cage, an 8 sided cage specifically known as: The Octagon. But the truth is that not all MMA fights occur in a cage, in fact some take place in a standard four sided boxing ring.
The other myth that I would like to dispel for everyone is the whole Kimbo Slice phenomenon. Kimbo, the former youtube street fighter from Miami, sucks ass! He is horrible and should be put back on the streets of Miami where he belongs. EliteXC, the organization that promotes Kimbo (a rival company of the UFC), is trying to capitalize on his popularity with the naiive teenager demographic who think he is cool or a good fighter. He is a joke, plain and simple. The problem is that EliteXC was able to ink a network television deal with CBS (the first in MMA history) and the masses were subjected to their propoganda that Kimbo is a legitimate mixed martial artist. He is the farthest thing from that. He holds a MMA record of 3-0 with one being a very controversial win and the other two coming against fighters who were worse than he was and basically paid to take a punch and go down (for further reference: this type of fighter is known simply as "a can"). His last fight, the controversial one, came on the first ever televised MMA fight card on CBS to a fighter named James Thompson who is famous in the MMA world for getting knocked out (KO'd) in almost every single one of his professional fights. And what happened...Kimbo couldn't knock him out for three rounds. I'm tired of hearing about this Slice, this "street fighting legend" and from here on out will never mention his name again when I am discussing legitimate MMA topics. I promise myself that, as well as you fine people.
That is all for now folks, just a short little intro. So to recap today's lesson: in order to not sound like a complete moron, refer to this tremendous sport as MMA or Mixed Martial Arts and never ever refer to Kimbo Slice at all.
And just to make it clear, this is only the beginning. There is more to come, much more. Stay tuned.
Do Work
theShow
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Blogsquatch And The Doctor Do The Derby
Hi to everyone. Hope you all caught the Home Run Derby last night. A truly extraordinary feat was accomplished by ya BOI Josh Hamilton. But I'll get to that. Let me first describe my night.
I don't like baseball. I used to play, and I readily gave it up for lacrosse sometime during middle school. However, in bat-and-ball games that I still dabble in, I am nothing short of brilliant. I can hit incredibly well, I can field, and my speed is unmatched. You're probably not surprised. Sorry, that was totally irrelevant. What I'm trying to say is this: even though I would have been a brilliant baseball player had I kept at it, I dislike the sport for its unforgivable degree of boredom. Of course, every sport is dull when compared to the fastest game on Earth, so I'll try to be nice. What baseball lacks in pace, speed, and exciting displays of athleticism it makes up for all of it on the night of the Home Run Derby...
NOT! How could it make up for all of that with one night of glorified batting practice? Somehow, though, it does. That one night is capable of captivating millions of fans and non-fans alike. It gets right to the core of what baseball is at its best: The Moment. Sons of Big Daddy Drew explained this to me once, and I fully buy it. Inning to inning, even avid fans can tell you that baseball is, at most times, a grind. But there are those unforgettable moments, The Moment moments, when even those that don't enjoy watching the game can marvel at the sport that has impassioned Americans for over 100 years. And lastly, the Home Run Derby is usually an amazing display of power and expert technique. Usually.
But this year, many of the game's stars passed on the chance to perform on the biggest stage there is (the last season at Yankee Stadium) in what must be one of the most enjoyable parts of the game for the player: showing off one's unparalleled ability to rip towering bombs into the bleachers. I mean, talk about a "mine is bigger" moment in sports! These big-ego stars should love it. But they're scared. Unless you're injured beforehand (Ortiz gets a pass...until later), you should take full advantage of the opportunity to compete on an individual basis with the best hitters in the league for your pride, your team, and your fans. It's not like the NBA Dunk Contest, where that kind of showboating and flair isn't what some star players are about. It's HITTING HOME RUNS, and all the best players that can and do hit home runs all year long should do it for the derby. Don't even start with the Home Run Derby curse or with "it changes your swing" or anything like that. The players that have been "cursed" never had overly impressive careers in the first place, and if you want to look at how damaged a swing gets because of the derby, take a look at the winner of the 2002 Home Run Derby's stats in the second half.
And besides, even if I grant you those arguments, who gives a crap what Bobby Abreu did in the second half of his Home Run Derby title season? No one. But everyone who saw it remembers his amazing night of 41 in the Derby. That's The Moment, and to quote my good pal SoBDD, "Oh, what a moment!"
Back to our story. I'm not usually one to just rant about something unless I have good reason. And this time is no exception because I was there! Blogsquatch had an extra ticket, so he called me up yesterday during work and invited me down. Although I did have plans with some ladies, how could I refuse box seats seven rows from the field between the home dugout and net behind home plate for my first Home Run Derby ever and the last such event to ever be held in THE YANKEE STADIUM? You're right, I couldn't say no. So without a change of clothes, a toothbrush, contact lenses (although I had my glasses), a camera, or a place to stay, I met Blogsquatch right after work and we did the Derby. Or, as some would say, we diddled the Derby's diddlesworth.
We arrived by ten after six and used our poster-sized tickets (for which we were given lanyards with a plastic case for displaying our tickets around our necks so that we looked like Flava Flav) to gain admittance. We went straight to our seats and watched the media circus that was batting practice for the players not in the Derby, also known as Workout Day. People were all around trying to get autographs and cheering for catches made in the outfield or big hits to the outfield. It was at the very least pleasant, even with the crowds I faced trying to get to the bathroom before the start.
During this time, Blogsquatch pointed out some of the players giving interviews and explained who they were. I'll admit that I only know the rosters of the New York teams and the Red Sox, plus or minus some other big name players across the league, but I don't really know any of the younger, up and coming stars. So Blogsquatch, a Cincinnati fan through and through, had a good time telling me the story of Josh Hamilton's troubled past and his stint with the Reds. Anyway, I drew a liking to the man right away given his full recovery and current dominance. So he was one of my picks to be in the top 4 along with Chase Utley, Grady Sizemore, and Lance Berkman.
As BP broke down and we started getting closer to derby time, the cast of Jersey Boys (not anything close to resembling what I'd call "straight") sang the Anthem as Third Eye Blind prepared to sing a few songs. Now, people paid close attention to the band playing, but more in a "staring at a car crash" way rather than a "Wow, good job, band" way. The band members were gyrating but didn't seem into it, so the crowd just was scared they were hurt or something. By the end of their two song set, I knew only one thing: the lead singer looks like Gollum.
At some point before or after the band they did a tribute to Reggie Jackson, which was special. The home runs he hit in the World Series game that they were showing on the screen, the way he talked about his style of play and the way he talked about how he'd have loved to dominate the Home Run Derby even today was just a classy touch.
Anyway, the first round went pretty slow. Two batters, then commercial breaks. There were a few decent shots, but nothing that really got the New York crowd going besides a few great grabs by some of the kids in the field.
Then Josh stepped up.
I remember feeling bad because he had been iced with the extra commercial they threw in just before his chance at the plate. He was really itching to go. You could just see it. I also was excited for him because of the story Blogsquatch had told me about the guy and because THE Derek Jeter predicted he would win. Then, they came.
The monster shots we'd been waiting for. One after another, Josh just KILLED the ball, hitting it deep into the upper deck near the rightfield foul pole, hitting it deep up the wall in rightfield above the bleachers, and hitting one of his first five hits OUT OF THE BALLPARK on the right side of the park (maybe not over the white fence, but through the gap, and it was still awesome)! This brought the crowd to its feet. As SoBDD was quick to inform me today, only one player has ever even been said to have hit it out of Yankee Stadium, a player in the negro league back in the day, and that claim is thought to be rumor and myth. So even if Josh's swing didn't CLEANLY go over that storied, towering, pristine white fence in right field, the one separating the ballpark from heaven and history, it was still an epic swing in every sense of the word.
After something like 10 pitches, the entire crowd was on its feet. He was on fire, and quickly surpassed the totals of the other three competitors that would make the semis... combined. He was loose but fierce, focused but still able to take a bow with a smile on his face. So he reached somewhere about 10, and the shenanigans started. People giving him drinks, slapping his butt, putting impediments in the way of the plate, walking off in disbelief (which might have been the only one I found tasteless... Ortiz). Someone even brought his pitcher a drink and a towel. But still he CRUSHED onwards. With eight outs, Josh hit thirteen home runs in a row. He finished with 28 in the first round, and it was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen, let alone in person. The ease with which he consistently hit some of the farthest home runs New York has EVER seen was astonishing, and I'm very happy I was there. It made all the players refusing to participate look weak and scared. None could have stood up to Josh.
We all know the rest. He hit a few in the second round, cruising to the final versus Morneau, and then he just didn't have it anymore. It's tiring to hit 35 home runs! I thought that he might slow down, but it wasn't a surprise to anyone. Afterward, everyone was upset for a moment (as everyone in the stadium had cheered for him to win), but then we realized that it's a stupid trophy anyway. What mattered was the first round show, the 28 home runs, the record, the incredible performance, and most importantly, The Moment. This certainly was a moment, one that Josh had apparently foreseen.
I don't think I'll soon forget that night. Probably my last ever at Yankee Stadium, and I got to see history.
And that history was made by a guy who had problems, fought through them, returned to baseball, worked hard, and made himself into a legend by putting on a performance the likes of which had never been seen, even in the House That Ruth Built.
At least not by a whiny, egotistical brat like Alex Rodriguez.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Birthday Festivities
As you may know, last night was Doctor Dozer’s 21st birthday. Now, the Doctor is a big-time party animal, so to celebrate, well, we really got down. blogsquatch and I are living together this summer, so we had the whole BIBTTP crew, plus a few Friends of the Blog and assorted others (it’s hard putting up with all the groupies and hangers-on, but it’s the price you pay for having such a successful blog). The bacchanalia that followed was truly of epic proportions. Religion was a major theme of the party, as it featured celebration of the Greek god Dionysus, worship of the porcelain god, and much kneeling before the altar of the boner god. Because we’re just that cool, we recorded it all for our own later amusement, and of course that of society. See the pictures and story after the jump…
Here’s Doctor Dozer himself, man of the night! He’s accompanied by the prettiest girl in our friendship-group, Nurse Napper. (Hell, I don’t know what to call it. Any suggestions?) Wouldn’t they be a wonderful couple, folks? The Doctor’s had his eye on her for a while, but never really had the chance to examine her, if you catch my drift. Given that it’s his 21st and all, maybe things will change…
You’ll note, of course, that this was taken at the beginning of the night, back when the good Doctor still had control enough of his faculties to flash a ‘thumbs-up.’ (He had a shirt on, too.) In the background you can spot blogsquatch, who had a camera of his own. (But you won’t be seeing his pictures here!) (More on those parentheses later…)
And here’s some of the rest of the crew. The brunette with the stony-faced expression is Friend of the Blog karabeara, while the stoned-faced gentleman is our new addition, theShow. You can be assured she made him feel quite welcome later that night. The fellow in the hip black and gray poncho is angrybostonian, while the pretty redhead—and the only one making an effort in the picture, the rest of you should be ashamed of yourselves!—is xxcutiepieprincessxx. As you can see, they’re all geared up for a night of getting wasted! (But not so wasted that they neglect to obscure crucial personal details on their personages. Like I said, we have enough trouble with groupies already.)
And a shot of our bar. (Get it? Shot? Bar? You know, because both are connected to consuming alcohol? Man, I’m funny. This is harder than it looks, though. Kids, don’t try it at home.) As you can see, we had a fine selection. Bartender—and designed driver!—for the night was thefuturemrsdelong.
Here’s Official Friend of the Site Biag-Kid, with an unknown female. (Fuckin’ groupies…) Well, unknown to the rest of us, anyway. ’Cause later than night, Biag-Kid certainly knew her! (In the Biblical sense, I mean. But in the other sense too, I suppose.) I have no idea what’s around her neck, but I imagine it’s some form of oral sex aid. 
And in our final establishing shot, you can see JuicyJuice and blogsquatch. Clearly, JuicyJuice is the height of cool, while blogsquatch is foreign.
The Doctor got his night started off right, with a bit of dancing. Check out those moves! Like a young Helio Castroneves, he is.
Meanwhile, JuicyJuice and blogsquatch spent their time at the Beirut table. JuicyJuice also apparently developed some sort of tumor in his jaw that will need to be looked at.
They had a good deal of success—there’s JuicyJuice congratulating blogsquatch on yet another shot hit—but, based on blogsquatch’s ability to open his eyes, anyway, they’d been playing for a long time. I hope nothing bad happens…
And yup, here it comes. Oh, and about that camera—in blogsquatch’s rush to avoid puking all over himself, he dropped it in the toilet. Whoops.
In this split-screen shot, you can get an idea of what was to come. Nurse Napper, you see, was a bit more impressed with JuicyJuice’s tossing than the Doctor’s dancing, so she hopped onto his team for the next game. Having an objection to the defection of the object of his affections, Doctor Dozer tried playing some Beirut in an effort to gain her attention back. He hoped to wow her with his laser-rocket arm and sexy six-pack, but…
Alas, his best efforts were in vain. After all, you actually need a laser-rocket arm and sexy six-pack to use them to wow girls. Following the game, Nurse Napper proved more interested in slugging from her flask and admiring JuicyJuice’s crotchal region than the birthday boy. Trouble was a-brewin’! Was the Doctor not even going to be able to ‘play doctor,’ if you know what I mean, on his birthday?
Desperate times called for desperate measures, and the Doctor’s shirt came off. He just had to get lucky on his birthday! And at this point, it mattered less and less with whom… He tried a bit of grinding up on Biag-Kid (please note that the Doctor was not nearly the largest person to grind up on Biag-Kid that night), trying to wow BK with his moves. (For all the Doctor’s gay jokes… Well, you get the idea.)
Biag-Kid had other things on his mind though—he was more interested in nailing hippos than those who took the Hippocratic Oath, you see—and the Doctor found himself once again ignored. Shirt still off, he focused his attentions on thefuturemrsdelong, giving her a nice view of the Doctor Dozer Dumper.
Did it work? Did the Doctor bust out the ol’ Doc Cock on his birthday? Did thefutremrsdelong help Doctor Dozer satisfy his many manly needs and desires? You be the judge…
Fuck yeah! (Skull-fuck yeah!) Looks like thefuturemrsdelong, the designated driver, was ridden a bit herself! Good for you, Doctor. To many more…
Happy Birthday Buddy!