Red, White, and... Brown?

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This afternoon, the United States men's soccer team played England in a friendly at Wembley. As Coach Bradley mainly used the match to test the form of his European-based players--only one MLS player started, with two more coming on in relief--and we were missing star midfielder Landon Donovan--who had a sore groin--the Americans weren't particularly expected to have a strong showing, and we surprised nobody. Amherica's poor passing, inability to set up quality scoring chances, and propensity to concede dangerous free kicks led to a 2-0 England victory.

So, our play was exactly like expected, anyway. And you might even say the same about our uniforms, in that in being nothing like anyone could've expected, they were exactly like could've been expected. (It's only fitting, I suppose, that such a contratian-sounding comment would owe a debt to Slate, and here it comes). The United States soccer teams' uniform troubles (and travels) have been well-documented. (Please note that the placement of the apostrophe was not a grammatical mistake. Rather, it was a nod to the American women's own kit problems, which, though many, will not be covered here.) Michael J. Agovino's piece that appeared on Slate last May--www.slate.com/id/2168476/--decried the American reluctance to pick a nice kit or two and stick with it. (For those who aren't up on soccer uniforms, and I can't say I blame you, "kit" just means "uniforms and stuff". Teams usually have two kits, a first and a second, and would generally prefer to wear the first as long as it isn't too similar to that of the home team, which has first pick.) In American soccer-playing history, long-but-not-distinguished, we've sported quite the array of uniforms. Below is a sampling. (Please note as well that I was unable to find any old pictures in color online, so these are all from the last 15 years.)



Yeah. Not pretty. Some red, some white, some navy blue, some royal blue, some stonewashed-looking blue, some diagonal stripes, some vertical stripes, some circles, some stars. A couple of those are solid, international-level kits, and more than a couple are pure garbage. But what we wore today... hoo boy.



I couldn't believe my eyes. America, as even foreigners like blogsquatch and dead people like blurryfoot know, is red-white-and-blue. Sure, the US men's soccer team hasn't been able to pick out a blue and stick with it, but at least we've been blue. When I asked some friends (and friends of the site) what color the US's uniforms were, I got the following responses:

Mrs. Schrute: "It's the USA. Of course they're wearing blue... No, brown. No, blue. Sons, why's the United States wearing brown?"

MacAttack: "They look gray... Or a weird blue."

Slov: "Blue. [With confidence.] Black. [With slightly less confidence.] They look gray. [She thinks for a moment.] Are they--[Totally perplexed.]--purple?"

As for myself, well, I think they'd be best classified as gray, perhaps even "slate". Maybe it's some kind of homage to Agovino's Slate commentary that the US needs to brand itself by picking something and sticking with it--so we picked something no one else would wear in a million years--or maybe it's an attempt to be "cool" and "cutting-edge" in an effort to attract fans who don't give a damn about World Cup quarterfinal appearances (2002, natch) but really like space-age looking Nike gear, or maybe they started as a normal blue and got damaged on the plane ride over. Or maybe they're just really fucking ugly, and will get thrown in the dustbin of bad American soccer uniforms like so many that have come before them.