I like Dashboard Confessional and lots of other soft music. And karaoke. And computers. And xkcd. And video games. And math. And history. And blogs about technology and software and all other kinds of stuff. And I absolutely love science fiction.
I am quite definitely a science fiction guy. But I haven't always waved that banner with pride. I started out as a Star Wars guy. I read the entire Young Jedi Knights series between 4th grade and probably 8th. I went on to read The New Jedi Order Series, the X-Wing Series, and The Legacy of the Force series. I tell people I have read 100 Star Wars books, and I don't think that's an exaggeration. Really. And now that I feel *almost* grown up, I've graduated to all sorts of television shows, movies, and books that are the lifeblood of science fiction, whether classic or cutting edge. And I'm probably a dork for it all. But lately, it feels like it's something I can be proud of. Why? Let me show you.
So you all probably know of my complete obsession with Scrubs (at least the first 8 seasons). I think that obsession says a lot about me. You see, the main character is a certain John Dorian (Zach Braff)
And I think me, and apparently lots of other people in the country, are getting that message. We're just being ourselves and owning up to our interests. We're reading dork comics and writing dork blogs and wearing dork tee-shirts. We're OK with that. And some girls seem to like that. I swear to God, I have told girls I have courted on first dates that I am a huge sci-fi fan and they have gone on to make out with me. Certainly not BECAUSE of that, but maybe IN SPITE of it? Either way, we made out, and they knew I was a dork.
But this isn't an article about bucking trends and being yourself. And it certainly is NOT an article about the Doctor getting with chicks. Let's save that for another time (like when you bring that sexy mother of yours around ;) ). It's about science fiction! Of all the dork things that people can buy into and obsess over, I think it's suffered a great deal in terms of general acceptance. It's a label that's been worn by the forerunners of the genre, a banner they've carried, that probably hasn't won them any popularity contests in times and decades when jocks and rock-and-roll and drugs ruled the scene. When high school was a death sentence for people that quoted Star Wars and had fake lightsaber battles (think the Geeks of Freaks and Geeks).
But it isn't that way anymore. Read this list before we go on:
Time travel
Super powers
Aliens
Space travel
Hoverboards
Holograms
Seeing the future
Radiological mutants
Mythology
Ghosts
Robots
Seen any movies or television shows with anything like that in them? Read any books, comics, cereal boxes? Science fiction is EVERYWHERE! Let's start with TV. Lost, V, Flash Forward, Heroes and Fringe are primetime TV shows on major networks! Dig a little deeper and you find Doctor Who, Dollhouse, Battlestar Galactica, Caprica, Star Trek, The Sarah Connor Chronicles, Smallville, and Torchwood, all quality programs that have been on TV recently or are on now.
How about movies? I Am Legend, Hancock, Avatar, Spiderman, Iron Man
Books? Try Lord of the Rings. Harry Potter. Twilight. And many, many others that are just soaring with popularity.
The fact of the matter is that Science Fiction is enjoying a golden age right now, and I'm so psyched to be experiencing it. Not only is it awesome to see pop culture accessing these really awesome stories and universes and ideas, but it's also made it so much easier to find the classics. I've had no trouble whatsoever finding lists of Top X Classic Sci Fi authors I need to read. And I've read them. And Bradbury and Vonnegut and Wells and Verne and Asimov and Le Guin and Orwell and Dick and Huxley have started fires on my lap and made crinks in my neck as I've read almost constantly. And new and amazing science fiction keeps getting churned out! Cory Doctorow, Neal Stephenson, Ted Chiang to name a few. All beyond amazing.
Not to mention the films I've gotten a hold of. Akira. Being John Malkovich. Primer. Blade Runner. Logan's Run. Alien. The Abyss. Planet of the Apes. 2001: A Space Odyssey. A diverse list with many spots left to fill. And I still have classics to look forward to delving into, which is a treasure I cherish. But I also have cutting edge material to expect and enjoy, and I have no doubt that I will. And I think a lot of people will. I also hope they get to enjoy some of the classics at some point. Books and movies and television shows. There's such amazing work out there. And it's even more amazing in a time where it's not only acceptable, but it's cool. It's trendy. It's wanted. So let go of your preconceived notions and just dive in.
I guess I should leave off by wondering aloud the real question I've skirted: why? Why is science fiction catching on? Why is the population at large seemingly grabbing hold of it and loving it like a child? First of all, I think that as much as different entertainment media offer people escape, nothing gets us as far from ourselves as something that is entirely imagined but very believable. Second, as science digs so much deeper into the truths of the universe, the hypothesized futures laid out before us in the realm of science fiction become more palatable. We can see these things happening, and it's fun to imagine them before they are realized. It's also super interesting to imagine the problems that our advancements may cause, and it's useful to try to predict the hard questions and difficult problems that might arise. Third, there are some classics that paved the way. 
Science Fiction runs shit now. Get used to it.
Yours,
Doctor Dozer
Monday, March 29, 2010
Science Fiction: We Run Shit Now
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Olympian Disaster?
So I really like the Olympics. It feels really Sci Fi to me somehow. Sci Fi!? Come on, Doctor Dozer. You must be pulling my leg. Nay, I jest not. I feel like the whole "delegations from foreign lands competing in games of balls and wit" thing is done a LOT in science fiction. Harry Potter, anyone? How about Pod racing in Episode I? Mortal Kombat? OK, maybe I'm stretching now, but there ARE some good examples there, and I'm sure I haven't thought of many more.
But that isn't the point of the post. That just explains my inclination towards liking the Olympics. However, I am not at all fond of the current games, and I think I can explain that better than my "Olympic - Sci Fi" connection above.
So I used the word disaster, and I'm going to stick with that. Main point here? The weather. How terrible. It has delayed events, made for crappy venues, and generally made for an annoying news story. If someone says the words "Vancouver," "snow," and "Dallas, Washington DC, etc" in the same sentence, I will shave Bob Costas' eyebrows off. How will you like your Olympics, then?
But it's more than just that. The tragic luge accident has also put a damper on my enjoyment of the games. Not only did a man lose his life in what can only be defined as practice for a game, but I've tried to understand the appeal of the sled sports since the accident, and I cannot for the life of me grasp what's so cool about it. I don't understand what separates one competitor for another. And on top of my inability to understand, a part of me is furious that the course has been made LESS dangerous after the accident. I mean, logically, I totally applaud the move for safety in the Olympic games. The tragedy that occurred is something that hopefully never is repeated. At the same time, I have this unexplainable lust for spectacle that wishes that the 9 stories of height that they removed from the track be restored so that they can go dangerously fast. I am insane.
Finally, I heard someone funny say this a few nights ago: how many ways are there to watch people slide on snow or ice? At some point, it just becomes too much. I realized, after seeing these different forms of sliding, that my love of Olympics is limited to the Summer games. There are running, throwing, cycling, jumping... everything a guy can want. Not just... sliding...
So the verdict? The Winter Olympics, and especially these Winter Olympics in Vancouver 2010, suck. Power to the Summer Games. And to world class athlete females wearing bikinis and playing volleyball. Oh my...
Doctor Love
Friday, January 8, 2010
The Sites I Frequent
I'm sure you've been wondering about this for a while, and here is the answer to the question that keeps you up night after night: What websites do I, Doctor Dozer(himself), keep myself entertained with? What sites does he have to keep up with for fear of missing something hilarious, enlightening, or important? Well, click that little link... yeah, that one... and I'll tell you.
The first three are members of the Gawker Media universe. From Wikipedia, "Gawker Media is an online media company founded and owned by Nick Denton based in New York City. It is considered[1] to be one of the most visible and successful blog-oriented media companies. As of January 2009, it is the parent company for 10 different weblogs, including Gawker.com, Defamer, Fleshbot, Deadspin, Lifehacker, Gizmodo, io9, Kotaku, Jalopnik, and Jezebel." Basically, depending on what you are into, you can find a blog for you in one of those for sure. I happen to love three of them.
1. Lifehacker - Lifehacker is a polished site with fantastic posts each day about one thing and one thing only: streamlining your life, aka "hacking" your life. This can include tips about random things everyone might do (from making DIY outdoor lamps to wiring your apartment and turning your xbox into a media hub) to pieces of software or other applications that might somehow make things easier on you. Even if the tip doesn't apply directly to me, I learn a lot about random things, save some money on DIY projects or free software, and have a good time reading good writing.
2. Gizmodo - A very similar site, but this one focuses its attention on gadgetry and software almost exclusively. The latest news on the newest phones, cameras, computers, navigation devices, high tech pens, and whatever other gadgets your fingers desire. They also do a really good job giving open and honest opinions about cutting edge products (helped me decide to purchase an iPhone). They also do a great job keeping me up-to-date on the latest and greatest iPhone apps while also informing me when apps are being offered for free (my favorite).
3. io9 - io9 is a blog about Science Fiction. It covers popular Sci Fi, shows like Lost or Heroes or Avatar or Spiderman or other heroey stuff, and also classic Science Fiction texts and movies and things. Lastly, it cover science fiction ideas, like futuristic artwork or architecture, possibilities of planet colonization, or any other topics that come up in contemporary works of Science Fiction. Great site, and one that proudly waves the Science Fiction banner I march behind.
The next few will be sort of random. But they are great. We'll start with a classic, and end with, well, I'm not sure because I haven't gotten there yet. But if you'll just bear with me for a moment (this is a reference to a joke from the next site)...
4. xkcd - This is the holy grail of webcomics. No one even comes close. Self proclaimed as "a webcomic of romance, sarcasm, math, and language," which are more than a few of my favorite things. It's actually four of my favorite things. I literally weep for people when I am in my bed at night after I reference xkcd and they tell me they have never heard of it. Don't make nerds cry: experience a great comic today.
5. Conquer Club - Again, I'm starting to (starting to!?) come to grips with the fact that I am a huge dork. I like board games. Risk is one of my all time favorites. And this site does a really great job handling risk. You play in games with strangers on new and exciting maps of fictional or real places with the same goal - taking over the world. You simply take turns making your moves, and each player has 24 hours to take their turn. There are nuances, obviously, associated with playing the game online, but you'll learn them all. Best of luck, and you can't touch me.
6. Zero Punctuation - Man, I'm just a dork. Dammit. Anyway, this site absolutely kills me. It's a constantly growing collection of hilarious (beyond hilarious) video game reviews done by Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw. He is offensive in the best possible ways and is a tough critic on a genre of art that needs tough criticism. We've been throwing our money at video games for too long to just blindly purchase whatever the next "rage" is without someone we trust filtering out the crap for us. Thanks for being that guy, Ben. I, personally, purchased The Orange Box on your recommendation alone and never regretted it. PS - I am a full supporter of your movement to bring an end to the exclusive use of the brown on brown color scheme that ruins the current generation of video games. Thanks for being you,
7. Coming Soon - ComingSoon.net keeps you abreast (A BREAST!?!?!) of the latest movie news. This, for me, mainly consists of me checking their "most popular" list and scrolling down the list of "Most Craved this Week" movies and watching the latest trailers, reading the latest rumors, or finding out what some movie is actually about. A great site if your into movies at all. It singlehandedly kept me sane for the year and six months during which I waited for Avatar to come out. So worth it...
8. CastTV - My first destination when it comes to watching television shows online (which I do a lot of these days). Let's face it - TV has gotten a LOT better over the last few years. And that means there are a lot of shows to watch. And that might mean you miss some from time to time. Or you might miss them completely and want to go back and experience the show you never learned about until after its end (Jericho, Arrested Development, Battlestar Galactica, etc.). This site links you to places that host the shows you are interested in, both pay sites and free sites, and allows you to watch the shows you love and miss anytime you like. Great site.
9. Sporcle - Last but not least is Sporcle. Basically, this is a game site that challenges you with 4 or 5 new puzzles every day that ask you to generate some kind of list. Countries, sports stars, movies, you name it, there are quizzes for you. Lots of fun, and a great diversion/brain teaser when you need a break but want to keep a sharp mind.
That's all for now. That should keep you busy for, oh I don't know, nearly forever. Don't say I didn't warn you. But do thank me (and the creators/generators of all that fantastic content, but me first) for pointing you in the right direction when you do find something you happen to fall in love with. And marry. And bang out and reproduce with. You're welcome in advance.
Yours in Dorkhood,
Doctor "Spin Me Right Round" Dozer
It's Always Sunny
I think I'm going to start a series on converting you to followers of my favorite television programs. Yeah, I just started it (though, truth be told, I've done pieces on Breaking Bad and on Scrubs in the past with the intent of gaining converts...). But I think we shall start with the most ridiculous show on TV... It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Why is it good? What makes it worth your precious time? Jump it and learn.
It's Always Sunny is the most out of control sitcom on TV. I had to qualify that with "sitcom" as opposed to "TV show" because I recently watched an episode of Jersey Shore and wept for my nation. How sad it is that those people exist. But back to more pressing matters, why should you watch It's Always Sunny?
The truth is that this show is hit or miss. When they miss with an episode, you may not laugh one time, but when they hit, you literally could end up rolling across the floor. You might dribble urine into your undies. Seriously. I have.
If you watch and have any friends that watch, I'm sure you've spent time rehashing your favorite moments (and there are definitely a lot). You've spent time trying to do Charlie's "Freak Out" voice. You've been reminded of things you had to put out of your memory for fear that it would render you crippled with laughter at some important time.
If you don't watch, all that I just said should be an indicator that you should. If you need more, here it is: they are simply out of control. Whereas The Office and Scrubs (two comedies I've lobbied hard for in the past) take common situations and make them light and funny, It's Always Sunny takes absurd situations, places absurd characters into them, and has them say and do absurd things. Their viewpoints are dangerous, evil, but always hilarious, and their actions are the same. They are a bunch of losers trying to get ahead in the small world that they know, and they do a terrible job doing so.
But I love them, and you will, too. Go for it. Trust me...
I'm a Doctor.
An Image Used to Represent You on Forums, You Mean?
Hello folks. The Doctor has returned. Maybe you don't care. But it's nice to be writing again. I just wanted to give you a quick movie review on Avatar. Because I know there aren't any of THOSE out there. But maybe mine will be a little different and interesting to you. Or not. But hey, give it a read while you're here. After the jump...
Alright. So Avatar. I think I had been anticipating its release for at least 18 months. I spend a great deal of time perusing the big board they have there about what upcoming releases people are interested in. So every few weeks I go down and look through the top 50 and see what might be interesting. I stay abreast (*breast*!!! hahaha) of anything I find interesting. And I become obsessed with movies I think will be amazing. Avatar was one of those movies. From the first time I read that James Cameron had this film coming out until finally seeing late December, I was hooked.
So let's start with what I actually thought of the film. I think there is only one correct word to use: epic. I think that applies in two different senses. First, we'll go with the more complimentary of the two meanings. The movie was an epic undertaking and has paved the way for new and incredibly appealing uses of movie technology in the future. The 3D elements of the film were amazing. They weren't haughty or overdone. They gave depth not only to the screen, but to the characters. They made the world real and accessible and something you cared about. It was an experience I have not had too often. I'd say the closest thing to that was the Star Wars universe, but really this blew that out of the water.
The other way the word "epic" describes the film is through the story line. It's truly epic. Which is a good thing and a bad. It's a good thing insomuch as the storyline feels important and historically significant. The movie allows you to feel as though you are reliving the legendary times of the Na'vi's past while also painting the aggressively expansionary tendencies of the human race as evil and unacceptable. Even though they are fighting for their already established existence, the viewer almost feels as if he's watching the times that truly create the Na'vi as a people. Their origin tale, or something like that.
However, the outcome is almost too good, too squeaky clean to fall in love with. Which is sometimes how epic tales can be given their age-old or classic nature. You feel you already know the ending, so it lacks that literary element of surprise, making the reader miss out on that burning desire to see the story through to the end. Which is not necessarily a bad thing. But with James Cameron's classic Sci-Fi films (take Alien or The Abyss for example), there is something about the movies that make you HAVE to know what is going to happen, that makes you need it. And Avatar isn't that.
But it still is a great movie, more for the 3D and world-crafting elements than anything else. It lived up to and probably exceeded my expectations in a number of ways. I'm glad it was made, and I'm even more glad it was successful, because now more and more films will try and be just as... epic.
One last point before I get you out of here. It's been a successful appointment so far, so hopefully this doesn't take anything away from it. But I have this friend who I've written about before. He's in the army. Definitely a military type. And he had a tremendously different viewing experience than I think most people would. He was rooting for the humans and could not believe that Jake Sully would abandon his race to support a bunch of savages. I thought this through with him, trying to figure out if his viewpoint could be defended by any sort of human logic, and we decided it could not. The reason he admitted this was because the soldiers he identified with were not of the national variety - they were mercenaries who only did these things to make a buck. That is indefensible, and he is a douche for thinking to support them at all.
Consider yourself vaccinated from the Swine Flu.
PS - Apparently there is a Na'vi sex scene that was deleted from the movie to keep it PG-13. And it will be on the DVD. Something to look forward to there...
RX - More Big Budget Science Fiction Films
The Doctor
Saturday, September 5, 2009
We Did Love Dinosaurs Once
Well hello there.
So the resurgence I promised has failed. Did I make a valiant effort? Maybe. But probably not.
Life is a car in the fog on a mountain. Nothing you can do to see further ahead so you just take it as it comes. Carefully. Because it's pretty dangerous. To your left is a hard place; a rock, if you would. The side of the mountain wouldn't be so forgiving if you struck it, so you do your best to avoid it. But not by all that much. You hug its cold and honest face because to the right is the Cliff. You wouldn't make it. For sure. So you just try to hang on to the middle, whatever that means. You're a 2 ton mess of iron and you can do damage. To yourself and to the mountain. To the world. The mountain, the world, will heal over time no matter what you do, because despite your power, you are too small. You are a speck on a speck on a speck on a speck on a speck. Probably hundreds of specks smaller than that, too. But there is hope...
There is the sunset when the fog lifts. There is the other side of the mountain. There is the road you've climbed. The pebbles you've turned and kicked aside.
And there are people like Anis Mojgani. And poems like his. So take them. And run with them. And cling to their lines and use them as a guardrail when you think you may fall to the side. Or when you'll run into the mountain. Don't rush. Take it in.
Rock the fuck out.
Anis
Mojgani
Monday, June 29, 2009
Race War!!!
This post will be entirely related to the recent US Supreme Court decision that The Wall Street Journal so kindly outlines for us here. Basically, the decision ruled in favor of a group of white firefighters that sued the city of New Haven, CT for denying them promotions solely because of their race. Juicy enough for you? Let's talk it out...
OK, so Race War is something I'm familiar with. Just kidding. Actually the opposite is true. Being a recent alumnus of Reston College, the amount of diversity we experience puts the graduates of our fair institution probably in the top 1% of liberally-minded people when it comes to race. Boundaries simply should not exist because of color. People are just people!
But boundaries do exist. And color does matter. Just as it did for these firefighters. After taking a test to EARN a promotion (I will come back to the word EARN in a minute), they were told the test would be thrown out. The reason? Not enough minorities did well on the test, and the city wanted to avoid being sued by affirmative action supporters. The merit of the individual was disregarded because of the failure of a group, and that group happened to be made up of people that shared one similarity: they were minorities. Thus, personal performance and achievement were trumped by race. The race card once again acted as a net to save minorities that stumbled and a governor on the engines of advancement for the white individuals that worked hard to succeed and move forward.
Did the department intend for the test to hold minorities back? Decidedly not. They even testified that the reason they threw out the test was because it made them liable to suits by affirmative action supporters! In my mind, that means they did nothing wrong. They intended for the outcome of the test to act as a basis for promoting deserving individuals, and they even hoped that a significant number of these individuals would be minorities. So intent to make things fair was clearly their.
And that is all that matters. Or at least all that should matter. And the Supreme Court apparently agrees with me as their decision favors the white firefighters. And I thank them for entering the debate on race not on the side of white or black or any other color, but on the side of fairness.
I'll sum up now. For a long time race was used as a way to hold people back. Just as sex was. People feared difference, and fear turned to hatred and violence and simply evil. And good things have happened in the last fifty years to turn that around, thanks to heroes like Martin Luther King, Jr. and many others.
But we all know that. The question is where do we stand now? And I think the answer is that we have come nearly full circle. People see each other as equals, as people. We are now, finally, starting to look past race. No, not in every situation, but in both institutional and individual instances, and it's a noticeable change.
So we're down to the final question: where do we go from here? I fear that if things continue in the affirmative action vein, then race will begin to be used not as a reason to offer aid to minorities, but as a way to hold the majority back. And the Supreme Court seems to share my view in this manner. In this case it was clear that the city was holding white individuals back in order to allow for the group that did not do as well to succeed. And that group contained a substantial number of minorities, and it was clear that this was the SOLE reason that any action was taken at all. Situations like that cannot arise, and the Supreme Court was right to condemn this instance of it and all future instances as well.
EARN. I said it before, and I'm returning to it now. People, all people of all races, need to EARN their advancement. That is the American Dream. When people are held back or pushed forward without EARNING either treatment, the tenets of our great nation are put at risk, and that we simply cannot afford.
Given the same opportunities, race should not matter. Only what someone earns. However, people should be given the same opportunities, and the attempt to create equality, then, should come through balancing out the opportunities afforded to young people everywhere in terms of getting an education! If students are motivated to succeed, they should be given that opportunity. By the time they graduate from college, all students should have been given the same opportunities. What they chose to do with them, and what they choose to do after them, are entirely up to them.
Rx: Ignoring race completely
Signed,
The Doctor
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Comedy Done Right (And in a Sterile Setting)
Lab Coats vs. Suits
Stethoscopes vs. Ties
JD's hair vs. Michael's hair
The Janitor's Creepiness vs. Creed's
FIGHT!
OK, let me get this over with. I KNOW Scrubs is dead. It's finished. The series finale came at the end of the last season (number 8), and there will be no new episodes ever. However, I a) am not all the way finished with my frantic catching up yet and b) am a tremendous fan of anything I've ever seen on the show. So bear with me.
And we're off. I reviewed The Office in my last post and was as cruel as possible with them. But I want to say this: it's a great show. Those of us that watch know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it is one of the few shows still on the air that is worthy of tuning in for week in and week out. The cast is great, the writing is great, and the laughs are great.
But as Flor says in one of my favorite movies Spanglish, "[If] this was small enough to be [summed up in one blog post], I would be a fool to bring it up. But I need to say, no matter what the result... I need to be impolite!" I need to go to town on The Office because we should demand the highest quality from our television shows, even if they are currently among the best in existence. To do so, I will compare it to one of my new favorite shows: Scrubs.
Scrubs is fantastic for many of the same reasons The Office is. The characters are both ridiculous to the point where they are slightly unbelievable (which is definitely a good thing as humor that hits too close to home can quickly become not funny) and deeply and carefully characterized. Yes, JD is beyond absurd, but we are past that and fans of the show love him for his oddity. We are at the point where we understand him (in ways that we are often unable to understand the stupidity of a certain Michael Scott). JD lives in a fantasy world, has odd daydreams about almost everything, loves appletinis, needs physical affection from friends and mentors to validate his existence, is often sexually inappropriate, and constantly falls short in the social side of his life, but we love all of that about him! Zach Braff makes it not only acceptable but endearing. And it is the same way with all the characters on the show.
Also, the story line centers around a work space that we all have some sort of familiarity with. It helps us in accepting the shortcomings of the places we know so well by allowing us to laugh at their expense. They somehow become less scary, though the danger and fear remains.
Finally, every storyline wraps itself up nicely. Despite having us laugh for a half hour straight, when time is up we have learned something. Whether it's that "there are more important things in life" or that "everything will be OK," we can take comfort in the lessons we come away with when we turn the TV off.
Despite all this, Scrubs does not fall short in any aspect whatsoever. Where The Office lacks a degree of cohesion between the episodes, Scrubs does not. The patients that live keep living and the stories surrounding them continue. The ones that are treated or pass on do so, and we take what we can from their situations and move forward. The relations between the doctors evolve, the running jokes don't lose their steam, and problems aren't always resolved in an episode or two. I know that the Jim and Pam saga has its development and setbacks and from time to time a solution, but barring Michael Scott's ever worsening idiocy, their relationship is really the only thing on the show that is not stagnant.
What's more, the characters we watch week in and week out (well the main ones, save The Janitor, The Todd, and Ted) are not necessarily fatally flawed in ways that cannot be ignored or forgiven. They often do what they can to earn our affection and admiration, even at their lowest points.
Those are my two major points: episode cohesion (and even season cohesion) and character respect. Even though he's a nerd, you want to be JD. He's a doctor. He has great friends. He seems to laugh a lot and love a lot, despite being hurt sometimes. He saves lives. The same is true for almost every character, even if they're overly feminine, overly macho, overly insecure, overly over-bearing, overly cynical, or overly anything. They still have those always redeemable base qualities. Jim Halpert, arguably the most admiration-worthy character on The Office, doesn't have that. Yes, he laughs in a crappy environment and has found love there, but do you really want to be him? Trapped in that office of hilarious nimrods? I for one would prefer to be JD. And maybe that's why I prefer to watch him.
So really what I'm asking for is improvement from The Office. I've said it before and I'll say it again: it's a great show. But it could be better, and all would be happier if it were. And there are two ways to do that. The first is to improve the cohesion between episodes. I keep thinking back to the stupid office picnic episode and barring the wonderful news at the end, can you tell me one thing that happened? Michael sees Holly, but nothing develops. Another branch closes, but it doesn't affect anyone from the viewers perspective. Basically, hilarious things go on over the course of the day and that's it. We see the characters in a new setting and see how they handle it. Yes, it's novel for the show, but not for the fans. We want things to happen! If you had missed the entire episode save for the last thirty seconds, would you really need to go back to "catch up?" I think not, and I think that's something we want in our shows.
And as for character respect (kind of an awful phrase for what I mean, but gimme a break), I think there are ways for The Office to improve that. There are certainly glimpses, like in the episode where Pam's parents get divorced, but please let me know if there has been any sizable personal growth that I have missed in the following flat-as-a-pancake characters: Andy, Dwight, Kevin, Oscar, Kelly, Michael, Ryan, Angela, Stanley, Phyllis, Creed, Toby. From day one to day now, has ANYTHING CHANGED FOR THEM? Maybe that's part of the humor for some of the characters, and that's fine, but all of them?! That's 90% of the show and I need to be OK with the fact that there is nothing new happening with any of them?! I demand more, and I think you can deliver, Office writers. I know you can.
I understand that I've tried to explain the shortcomings of The Office and the lack of any in Scrubs in this post, but it hasn't been easy. If I've fallen short, I hope the episodes will fill the gaps. I don't think I need to panhandle on The Office's behalf for viewership, but PLEASE WATCH SCRUBS! If you have, tell more people to watch. If you haven't, DO IT! Go to here and start with season 1 episode 1. And run with it. I don't think you'll find a better show to laugh at, learn from, or enjoy in your spare time.
Trust me. It's just what The Doctor ordered.
The Doctor
PS - Doctor Perry Cox. Nothing in the entertainment industry can even compare to the rants he makes so often on the show. They just never get old for me. He alone could tip the scales in favor of Scrubs, but thankfully there is an amazing show to go with him. Go watch.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
My Year In Television
So it's been about a year since I've been writing as close to full time as a NYC internship would allow. And I'm back. But I've been over that with you already (Comeback? Bigfoot? Blurriness? Britney!? Yeah, you remember). Now we're on to actual content. The cutting edge stuff that made this blog what it still hasn't been. And for myself, my greatest contributions came in terms of television. When you come to me saying, "Doctor, I've been having symptoms of showlessness. What can you do for me?" Or, "Doctor, I needed a second opinion on what went down in [enter fantastic series here] the other day. Can you help me?" With questions like that, you've come to the right place. Jump it.
Thanks for jumping. Anyway, as I was saying, I am your man when it comes to television. Why is this? Well there are a number of reasons. First of all, I have way too much time on my hands, and keep up with a lot of television shows as a result. In addition, when I am caught up with my repertoire of shows, I don't just relax and play video games or drink my face off (OK, I do that, you're right). No. Instead, I find other shows to ADD to my lists, to try out and then dedicate myself to. I've done this a lot over the year, and the list of shows that I am dedicated to has grown substantially. In order of the first ones that pop into my head, my list now includes but is not limited to:
Lost
Heroes
The Office
Kings
Breaking Bad
Scrubs
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Glee
Trust Me
My Name is Earl
Burn Notice
Monk
and even no longer new shows (especially that aired between classes last semester) like:
Just Shoot Me
Home Improvement
Scrubs
Seinfeld
and many others
I don't really know where to go from here, but I'm going somewhere. I'll probably begin with focusing on some of my top shows (Lost, Heroes, The Office, Breaking Bad), detailing the emotional roller coaster ride they have taken me on since we last talked.
Maybe we'll start sort of light to round out this article: The Office.
A great show, some cutting edge humor, and lots of imitation being attempted around television. But nothing does it for me quite like The Office. As any habitual (or casual) watcher of the show knows, though there is humor in some of the running jokes or character relations, the greatest part of the show is the daily interaction between the employees, the monotonous hilarity that is their lives. And that has not suffered too greatly this season. The comedy was still very tight, interactions were kept hilarious (see Charles and Jim's relationship or Angela and Kelley competing for Charles's attention for examples), and from what I've seen I don't think they should be losing any fans.
However, that is not to say they are doing perfectly. Fans are happy, but they are not elated. And I say this for one reason: the overarching storyline used to have some real direction and continuity behind it, mostly led by the Jim and Pam storyline, but also with Michael's love life and the rise and fall of Ryan.
This season (5), a lot of that was missing. Yes, they had a fine story arc set up with Michael's quitting and his starting of a new paper company. However, they came full circle in the end, and I was left feeling like my time was wasted and other stuff should have been happening in The Office universe. Also, how many of the shows were simply one and done story lines that had to be explained in the beginning and were resolved by the end with little to know actual plot development having occurred by the episode's end? All I know is that it seemed like there were too many for me.
Despite anything bad I have to say about the show, it's one of the most hilarious on television and should be watched religiously by all. You're missing out if you haven't been. And finally, with the Pam pregnant cliff-hanger at the end, a lot of interesting things should go on next season without a doubt.
Rx: Watch the show like your life depends on it.
Consequence for not obeying: Death by crushing.
Signed,
Doze-Daddy
Do I Know You From Somewhere?
So it's been a while. I know that. We all do. But here at Bigfoot is Blurry, we believe in comebacks. We believed in Jordan when he came back after dabbling in an intergalactic basketball game to the prevent the enslavement of Bugs Bunny and friends (or we just believed he should quit the bull crap and stop making awful movies). We believed in Favre when he quit then came back then quit now is thinking of coming back (or we loathed him for bothering us the entire time. And for the record, I'm betting he does come back much to the disappointment of SoBDD). We believed in the Sox's miracle comeback when they were down 3-0 in that magical ALCS (I have refused to watch baseball ever since). So clearly we're strong believers in comebacks and big fans of those that attempt them...
OK, well maybe we don't believe in comebacks. And maybe we don't particularly love the individuals or teams that do comeback (or try to). That being said, we're rooting for ourselves. Maybe that sounds ridiculous, but given our nonexistent fan base, our preoccupations that keep us from our blogging dreams, and our graduation from the esteemed Reston College into a world of limited jobs and endless days on the couch, someone's got to root for us. Why not let it be us?
And thus it shall be. We will root for ourselves. And those of us that have way too much time on their hands will come back and will come back in a big way. In a Bigfoot way, even. Because the world just wouldn't be the same if anything happened to Bigfoot's famed blurriness. Whether he was discovered once and for all or just faded away and no one ever talked about him anymore, neither would be good for the world.
The same goes for BIBTTP. No, we may never make it; we may never be "discovered" by the world. But neither can we simply fade away and end our blogging, end our relationship with our tens of fans (that we threaten and force to visit the site). Nay. The world needs us just as we were: blurry as hell. And now that we have some more time on our hands, that's what we intend to give you: some really blurry Bigfootedness.
Come back soon. I know I will.
Rx: A whole lot of clicking around this beautiful blog once a day for the rest of your natural born (or artificially inseminated) lives.
Your Doctor,
Dozer
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Am I A Fantasy Football Legend? Maybe...
The NFL regular season is finally upon us. Rejoice! Sing for the heavens! Turdurkens for everyone! (Note: the pic is the first google image search result for "fantasy football")
In addition to all of this, it's a time for betting and of fantasy football. And I am amazing when it comes to that. Don't believe me? Read on.
Well, obviously SoBDD and myself are avid fantasy football fans. We're in two leagues together. My record in those 2 leagues? 2-0. His? 0-2. Conincidence? Probably. Hilarious? Undoubtedly.
Taking a look at the rosters of my three major teams, I just want to point out that I was smart enough to start Chris Johnson, smart enough to draft Eddie Royal in a spot where he is worth a 14th round pick next year, and dumb enough to sit both he and Michael Turner this week. All in all, I'm 4-0 as an owner. Not too shabby at all.
In addition to my fantasy football prowess thus far, I've also shown some ability as a bettor. SoBDD dragged me into a competition over at one of his favorite blogs (VEGASWATCH.NET) where you have to take the over/under on the Vegas line for wins for an NFL team from each division. You can navigate around vegaswatch for my picks (or just spend some time reading as it's a fantastic blog). You'll also notice at the bottom of the linked article that the individual in first place is... YA BOI, DOCTOR DOZER! This may not last, so celebrations are definitely in order. See you never.
Signed,
The Doctor
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Brad Childress: Who I Really Am and The Future of my NFL Career
Dear Zygi Wilf and the Minnesota Vikings Organization,
In light of recent events and the buildup of endless guilt for the lies that have surrounded my life in my years as a football coach, I write you this letter to inform you of my resignation. The primary reason for this is that I am, in truth, not the person you thought I was. I am not a football coach. I am not Brad Childress. I am...
Tobias Fünke. I know this may come as a shock to you, the players, and the fans, but it is the first bit of truth I have told since I began my open relationship with my wife, Lindsay Bluth Fünke. It has been a long road getting to this point, so before I explain my reasons for leaving the organization, let me explain how I came to be here.
In the summer after our open relationship began, I rededicated myself to what I knew was my calling: acting. I knew that, with the help of the famous Carl Weathers (who owes me a quarter million dollars despite his massive weekly fee of $10,000), I could make it as an actor. I could take on a role that no one had ever thought possible. I could even take on roles outside of fictitious productions and screenplays. I could do it in every way (which is incidentally what my piano tutor used to tell me as he stroked my balding head with his hairy bear hands), and I could do it in real life, too.
So that's what I set out to do: something unbelievably believable. Carl and I were driving along in out Volkswagen Beetle to Vernon, British Colombia in Canada for the taping of "Making the Cut," a reality hockey series in need of a hockey coach actor. It sounded as real as I could imagine. Think about it for a second: reality. What could be realer than this reality business? If I could do this, then I'd have everyone fooled. 
On the drive, however, we broke down just outside of Minneapolis, Minnesota. Instead of selling my mouth to lonely truckers so that Carl and I could make it the rest of the way, we decided to find something real to do in Minneapolis. It was a Sunday in late December of 2005, and a number of individuals wearing purple tights, pointed metal helmets and manly beards exited a bar just ahead of Carl. As I admired their garb, I asked them what had gotten them to such a frothy and excited state. After much ado about some game with an oblong ball that Carl seemed to know quite a bit about, we discovered that the Vikings organization was in need of a coach. A real live COACH! This was the same role that I had been headed to Canada for, but this was so much closer. All we needed now was to convince a man named Zygi that I was the one for the job.
So Carl and I fabricated a resume about coaching quarterbacks and some such nonsense that landed me an interview with Zygi himself. Although the interview didn't go so well at first, the conversation turned somehow to all the men that would be in the showers, and somehow during this discussion, I discovered that Zygi was a never-nude!
And just like that, I had the job. From psychiatrist to jobless actor to actor playing an NFL Head Coach, I had come full circle. I had made it.
After getting the job, it truly wasn't all too difficult to convince people that I was qualified. I yelled at players and patted their butts. I waited for them to be in between their football and street outfits before addressing them. No one really listened to what I had to say as I eyed their bulges and hairy, muscular chests, dreaming of times when I might work out with them and spot them as they did leg squats.
And somehow this has worked. The Vikings got a man they call Purple Jesus, and fans believe we can actually be a good team this year. Hunky Brett Favre is out of our division, and we may finally do well in the NFC North! But alas, you must go on without me.
The guilt has become too strong. The lie has become too hard to maintain. And I cannot bear to stare at these strapping naked men much longer lest I misbehave in ways that would deem me insane.
So please, Zygi, accept this resignation and know that it comes from a man with a now heavy heart. I'm sorry I wasn't who you thought I was. I'm sorry that I'm not Brad Childress. I can only be the man I'm destined to be, the actor I've worked to be. And that man is...
Tobias Fünke.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Weekly Prescriptions: 8-24
Sorry I missed you all last week. We had our fantasy football draft on Sunday so SoBDD was down visiting and much preparation went in to making it a fantastic draft experience. So this week we will resume with your regularly scheduled Weekly Prescriptions. On a side note, I've been taking Pepcid AC because I cannot stop burping. That's my personal daily dose, but yours will be much sweeter after the jump.
1. Beijing Olympics Wrap Up Photos
Not much else to be said about that. Some cool pics of what was a great event. Although our softball team is a joke. Losers.
2. Goddamn Batman
This is how I feel almost all the time. I get urges to call people retards and remind them of my identity while placing a "god damn" in front of it. What an absolute bad ass...
3. Travis Pastrana
I just stumbled upon this and remembered watching it happen a few years ago. What an awesome stunt. Balls. On my chin.
4. Charles Manson's Epic Answer
I don't know much about Manson, but I know that this video scares me and creeps me the hell out. Holy crap.
5. Statue Pics
You'll get exactly what you're expecting from this site. Statue pictures. And lots of them.
6. Real Robocop
People hate when science fiction has bad science. Well, Robocop's science just got a little more real. Check this walking S.O.B. out. Not too shabby for a cripple.
And that'll do it this week. See you soon.
Your Doctor,
Dozer
Monday, August 11, 2008
Michael, Shut the Phelps Up
I love the Olympics. America flexes its superior muscles, we get to see some sweet sports that are hard to find on cable, and some amazing things happen. Like last night, when the Americans took the men's 4x100 freestyle relay in swimming, beating the French (who had promised victory) by less than a tenth of a second. But some things, such as what went on last night and all day today, make me sick. What, exactly, is that, you ask? Well, find out after the jump.
I hate the excessive amount of coverage that Michael Phelps has gotten since winning his second gold medal. Yes he's our best Olympian and yes he's going for 8 golds in Beijing, but if I see another picture of him flexing his abs on NBC before the Olympics are over, I'll pulverize his svelte pelvis. I mean, one of these images is fine:
But this has been shown every half hour on NBC. I mean, the guy is cute and everything, but show him winning, not standing on the deck cheering...
And this...
I mean, show the guy winning, show him getting the medal, show the frames of our swimmer's hand hitting the wall just before the Frenchie. But please, one more shot of the shirtless hunk and I'll piss vomit.
Think about that: pissing vomit. Yeah, gross.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Weekly Prescriptions: 8-10
Hey folks. Sorry I'm late this week. Happy Olympic Games to everyone! Summer is on its way out, but not before we get a chance to own Red China in the medal count in Beijing. I mean, those bastards are doing their darnedest to steal the count by dominating events where absurd amounts of government-sponsored time and steroids go a long way, but I think the good guys will come out on top (though not by too much). Anyway, here's a few sites to get you from Olympic game to Olympic game.
1. NBC Olympics Online
For those of you that are like me and cannot get enough of the Olympics, here is a site that let's you watch anything you want anytime you want (live when possible). After the opening ceremony aired on Friday night, I found this site and spent a long time watching judo. I don't really get the cool factor behind the wrist grabbing and shirt un-doing, but it was somehow fun to watch. On a different note, all the accessibility that NBC is offering online is really refreshing. Makes me think the internet may last forever.
2. Yahoo! Olympics
Being a medal count junkie, Yahoo!'s main page for Olympics coverage does just that. The other thing it offers, which I have not been able to find elsewhere, is a constantly updated list of recently concluded events and their respective medal winners. I love knowing the name of the guy that came in second in 10 meter air pistol, and this site grants me that knowledge.
3. Chemistry Exam
I'm guessing you may have seen this already, or at least seen things like it, but it's funny. If you haven't seen it yet, you're welcome. It reminds me of my days in eighth grade. I used to dominate the teacher and her tests so hard that, upon finishing early, I would throw my ruler at my classmates. I would also spend time sneaking to the chalkboard to draw a hexagon to represent my alter ego, the Hexagon Bandit. Intelligent jerks are the very best kind.
4. Ledger's Joker Concepts
I think it's pretty clear that the guys around BIBTTP are pretty big Batman fans (at least the re-imagined version with Christian Bale). Well, I dug up this site and found it awesome for a good "what if?" What if they had gone ahead with these early concepts for Heath Ledger as the Joker? I think it would have made the movie less realistic (which I proclaimed was one of its best features). Also, I think it may have taken some of the Heath out of the role. That face looks plastic and stiff, and his facial expressions were amazing. Either way, it's an interesting thing to contemplate.
5. 7 High Profile Basketball Criminal Cases
As a guy that has never had talent in basketball outside of dribbling right-handed and lowering my shoulder as I plow towards the basket, I hate basketball and the people that play it. So of course, when I stumbled upon a page that listed seven of its greatest screw-ups of recent times, I had to let you share my enjoyment. From Kobe to Jayson Williams, from Glen Rice to AI, enjoy their failures with me. And then be jealous of them once again five minutes later.
6. Lobsters
And here is this week's throw away pick. Something absurd for you to chew on. Enjoy your lives for the next seven days, and I'll see you in a week.
The Doctor.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Weekly Prescriptions: 8/3
It's that time of the month week again, and frankly, I'm excited about it. I find I much enjoy our fulfilling albeit limited time together, and I'm sure you feel the same way. I also wanted to take the time to make a little pledge to you. With authors being added and more and more posts being posted each and every week, things look to be on the up and up around here. My pledge is this: no matter how cool our blog gets and how many fans we have asking us to let them fellasche us or kiss their babies, I won't forget my devoted "Weekly Prescriptions" column readers. You can count on me for as long as this blog is up and running. With that in mind, onto this weeks pills/picks.
1. 15 Funniest Police Blotters
At Reston, we have a good time every few weeks looking through the college newspaper and checking out the police blotter. That's where they write down a list of all the situations the campus police have responded to. It never fails to amuse. Anyway, this is a list of some epic police blotters that I stumbled upon. Pretty damn hilarious. Give it a shot. Damn ungrateful ducks...
2. I Met a Butterfly
A cute little butterfly comic strip that reminds us all what is important in life. Well, sort of. It reminds me of a kid I knew in high school whose screen name was morbidmetal13. What a friggin' psycho.
3. 2008 Darwin Awards
I realize that 2008 is not yet over and that this probably isn't the official Darwin Awards release, but it's damned funny. If you don't find number one slightly amusing at the least, please die. All 8 are hilarious. Please enjoy.
4. Repose
Usually, I'm not all about artsy naked pics. I mean, if you're going for naked pics, go all the way, right? Well, something about this picture was refreshing. I thought it could also make all of you that haven't seen a girl in person in over 4 months feel very very alone... Suck it.
5. Hot Pole Vault Chick
There's really nothing more to it than that.
6. Car Fail
What an incredible fail. I smiled the whole time. I mean, what was he thinking? A race against gravity? And then to challenge the momentum of his car? Unstoppable force and all that, I guess. And then he drives away. What an idiot.
Well, see you all next week.
Yours,
Doctor Dozer
Friday, August 1, 2008
The Dark Knight Review: A Look To The Future
So here is part two of my highly anticipated TDK review. Consider yourself privileged to read it. Just kidding. What I try to do in this half, though, is come at TDK in a way that few others have. What I'll be focusing on is the future of the franchise. Can Nolan's Batman successfully inhabit a third installment or would it turn out something like Spider-Man 3, widely regarded as the worst possible Spiderman movie they could have made. Well, find out what's in store for our gadgeted-billionaire after the jump.
Beyond Gotham's pulchritudinous skyline and its mob underworld lies Batman's biggest opposition to another movie: the real world. First, the Joker is alive at the film's end, and Nolan left us believing that, although the Joker is in jail, his chaotic dance with Batman will go on forever. But Heath has passed on. And don't even try to claim that someone could replace him. I mean, sure, they could, but it would be awful. No one can stand up to the performance Heath did without completely reimagining not only the character, but the franchise. It would be like doing the Clone Wars movie with everyone in cartoon mode except for Anakin, leaving the galaxy far far away with one in-the-flesh person wearing the outdated life-sustaining gear of the late 1970's. Really picture how awful that could be. Now imagine a different actor playing the Joker in a future Batman movie........
Yeah, you're right, the "replacement Joker" Batman movie would be worse. Way, way worse.
Besides the Heath issues, Christian Bale has problems of his own. First of all, Bale has inhabited a number of roles in his career and has done so because he loves the challenge of taking on new characters. Although he has stated he'd be happy to do a Batman 3 (so long as Nolan stays on), it certainly wouldn't be the challenge he's looking for. Besides his potential lack of interest, Bale has recently filed a statement with Scotland Yard in regards to a matter that occurred during the opening weekend of TDK. Now this isn’t just a statement where he says what he knows about an accident he may have witnessed or something like that. No. The incident at hand involves both his mother and sister claiming that he got upset and assaulted the two of them in their hotel room. What kind of sick weirdo grown man beats on their sister AND mother (especially outside the privacy of his own home)? Needless to say, this could develop into a substantial criminal situation in the near future. Think Chris Henry and the Bengals (who will never play for them again because of his blatant disregard for the law). Talent plus psychotic opposition to real world lawlessness do not mix. Lastly, Christian Bale is an insane actor and man. Earlier in his career, he lost 60 pounds for his role in the Machinist (30% of his body weight)! He has played characters ranging from Jesus to Patrick Bateman (in American Psycho) and has told reporters on record that the role of Jesus gave him nightmares, whereas "Patrick Bateman? Nothing." He hates the spotlight, saying to the media that he has "no desire for people to get their facts right about [him]." When asked questions about his personal life, he simply makes up stories so that no one knows what his deal is. Bale has had all the media attention he can handle between The Dark Knight’s success and his gathering legal troubles, and with Terminator Salvation: The Future Begins coming out in 2009, I think Bale will be skeptical of any project that will keep him in the limelight.
The final real world issue is Nolan. He, like Bale, is a guy that likes to create and imagine. I think he'll be itching for something new after this most recent film which simply adds to the oft cinematically represented Batman franchise. He's a trailblazer, kind of like Strider in the Lord of the Rings, but not nearly as gay (or attractive…), and with not anything close to the same fetish for little people. He just can't settle down and nothing can make him stay in one place for too long. Sort of like how your dad feels about you, like how he can't stand the sight of you and left your mom because of it. Trust me, he told me. Anyway, look for Nolan to go on to bigger and better things. Also, after killing the box office and creating such a great film, what else is there to do for Nolan? Wouldn’t you feel like you’ve done all you could as far as Batman is concerned if you were this director, did this great a job, and were inherently artsy and creative as all directors are? I just think he will want to move on, whether he should or should not. He simply crushed a movie with the Batman and the Joker, which is like the holy grail of Batman movies. He’ll want out.
Beyond these pressing real world issues, the world of Gotham may not NEED another movie. First of all, Nolan's Gotham has thrived on realism and plausibility. If you look at possible villains for the next installment (althought with a great cast, even some of the slightly more minor and slightly less realistic characters can be brought to life by Nolan in a way that reflects the successes of TDK), who would be real enough to inhabit Nolan's world? Who could exist in Gotham the way the Joker or Two Face did? Sure, people like to point to Batman Begins and its list of relatively minor villains (i.e. Scarecrow and Ra's Al Ghul), but now that the Joker and Two Face have been created, how could Nolan go back to a potpourri of minor villains? I honestly don't think he can. It would tarnish the masterpiece that was TDK. Also, with Commissioner Gordon's final speech, yes we have now set the stage for the future of Batman, but is it a stage on which the show must be performed? Couldn't that ending, with Batman running from the people he has given everything to serve and save, be enough? Isn't it sort of an "and the rest is history" moment?
Good people have died in battle, Batman has beaten back evil (for now), he lost his love (even before her death), the village has come after him in a Frankenstein-esque ending, and still Batman fights evil in their name. We know now that he can never truly win because evil and chaos will never be defeated, but he will always fight on as Batman or any true hero must. If the story isn't ended here, when can it possibly end? If it's just going to be a cyclic story about a new villain (which is either too dull or too outlandish when compared with the Joker and Two Face), same Batman (deep voice, kung fu, new gadgets), same outcome (evil is turned away by The Dark Knight, though it shall return again), same Alfred, same cool toys (OK, "new" but with the same idea), same boy-toy Bruce Wayne antics, and same Gotham (dark but lightening, rescued but still in need of saving), then why bother? Within Nolan's two-volume Gotham universe, Bruce has come from the little boy in the alley to the lost man searching for his way to the hero he wanted to be to the selfless vigilante he is now. That is a long way for a character to develop. Why let him become static in another movie after all that growth and self-revelation? The only way it could continue is if Batman could one day go out on top, but that would undercut everything Nolan fought so hard to brand into our fleshy frontal lobes: he can't win in the storybook sense. He's doomed to forever fight for a justice he can't attain for the people he can't win over. He's reached the bottom, but the ceiling has come down with him, trapping him forever in this constant state of opposing unrelenting evil, leaving him destined to impose justice and order with chaos and violence forevermore.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
The Dark Knight Review: The One You've Been Dreaming Of
Note: This article is directed at those dedicated masses that have already seen the film. Spoilers follow. You’ve been warned.
The Review
Honestly, I was slightly disappointed after my first viewing, and for all of the common reasons you can read at any sci-fi, movie, or Batman site. The story was not as novel as “Batman Begins” (with the origin and development of Batman). It was also LONG as hell with many people calling it "a movie and a half." Yes, that's more for your money, but TDK went from having a crisp ending at about an hour and forty-five minutes in to forcing the second half of the movie to an abrupt halt. The other thing that left a bad taste in my mouth walking away for the first time was the amount of preaching from virtually every character. From Batman to Rachel to Harvey to Alfred to The Joker himself, everyone spent a great deal of their lines discussing what was right, why it was right, how justice should be served, if it should be served at all, and what being a hero means. I mean, I get the whole "Justice vs. Chaos" dichotomy going on. Batman brings chaos to the “order” that was mob-ruled Gotham, but then he and Harvey try to impose justice to replace the chaos, but The Joker does all he can to disturb that and bring Harvey to see that Chaos is the only fair way. I get the hero vs. "something more" distinction for Batman, that he wears the mask so that he can make the tough decision for the greater good. I get that truth needs to be buried and lines need to be crossed sometimes. All I ask is that the director show some faith in the viewer to draw those conclusions on his own.
Then I saw it again. And it was more amazing to me somehow. I appreciated the subtleties of Heath Ledger's Joker. Yes, I liked his performance the first time, but it wasn't anything more than what I had expected from reading the reviews and seeing the trailers. He fully exceeded my expectations when I gave him the attention to detail he deserved. I can't even describe it, but go see it and ask yourself this: has anyone in the history of the role ever made it look so plausible? He is totally believable, totally real, and totally demented. Without his perfect character the movie falls apart. Which brings me to my next point: the movie was realistic and believable. It’s about heroes and villains, sure, but ones that don’t have powers. It’s about people that are willing to put it all on the line for what they believe, and anyone in this world could do that with the proper motivation and dedication. TDK is not for kids or even teens. It's adult, and it's perfect that way. Nolan panders to no audience for ticket sales (i.e. groin shots or sexual innuendos for the teen audience) and still rakes in more cash each successive day than any other film in history. Finally, I love that this movie lets the hero fall. He is so much darker than not only any Batman has ever been, but any popular, cinematic superhero in general. Hospitals blow up. People get hurt. Terror reigns. Rachel and Harvey, the two noblest characters in the film, DIE. Batman becomes the enemy of both sides, fighting hostages, henchman, and the SWAT team all at once in a scene towards the end. As Harvey promised earlier in the movie: "you either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.” And as Gordon explains at the movie’s close, Batman is "the hero that Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs right now.” (Note: Yes, these are instances of the preaching that I mentioned earlier, but it isn’t like the rest of the dialogue concerning those lofty issues. These are sweet lines that, in retrospect, are useful at summarizing key motifs in the movie. What I’m trying to say is BLOW ME!) It was a great movie. It had action but also depth, heroes but also Heath, victory but also utter defeat.
So that was my review. I'm sorry if you've read something similar recently, but I promise you mine was bigger... I mean better. Now for the fun. What lies ahead for the Batman franchise? My guess is not much. Why? Well that's why you're still reading, isn't it? Sorry to be the burst your bubble, but you'll have to wait until next time for the other half of this post. Don't want to go spoiling your supper now, do I?
As the old cartoons used to say, "Same BatTime, same BatChannel!"
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Weekly Prescriptions: 7/27
Welcome to yet another edition of your favorite weekly blog posting: Weekly Prescriptions with your host, Doctor Dozer. I'm coming off a hell of a weekend, and I'm going to do all I can to inspire you to share my joy as we enter a new week. And the Yankees won. And great weather for the beach. I am tan in a way my computer can never make me. Anyway, here are your weekly doses of Dozer. Love them.
1. Mortal Kombat vs. Street Fighter 2
I clicked the "Ready" button thinking I'd be able to tool around with an old fighting game that I didn't remember playing. Something SuperNES or Sega Genesis style. Instead, I got to watch a great short film about love and bravery and honor all done with 4 simple characters (cough 5) from the games Mortal Kombat and Street Fighter. Stick it out at least until the fighting scenes start. It's just really awesome from then on. You won't be disappointed.
2. Side View
I thought this was pretty clever. Basically, you enter a word or name and the program spits out a way to create it in 3D so that from one side it is your word and from a perspective 90 degrees to the right it looks like a different word. I tried some myself and got a few very appropriate results. Try "DocDozer," "DocDozerf" (that was a typo, but it's perfect), and SOBDD. Fun for about five minutes, but I'm not promising anything MORE than that so you can't get mad at me.
3. Best Doo Doo Pie Story... Ever
Maybe it's wrong of me to hype this story up so much, but I really had a good time reading it. It starts slow, setting tone, mood, scene. Then things start to build up (in his bowels) and all of the sudden there is action... stinky, dirty action. Just read it through. Sure the guy is over the top sometimes, but deal with it. And whether it happened or not, it's a great read. If it were true, could you even handle an image accompanying the story? I think not.
4. Graffiti Tag
The absurdity of this comic is fantastic. It's worth the 15 seconds it will take to click and read. I won't spend any more time describing it. Just read it already!
5. Realistic Lego Portrait
I simply appreciate the artist's depiction of the subject. At first, it seems like some abstract figure, but after maybe 3 seconds, you'll have one of those "Ohhhhh" moments. Nice job, dude.
6. Carveboard
I've dabbled in surfing, skateboarding, snowboarding, roller blading. All of it. But this thing is friggin' awesome. I frequently take late night skates around campus on my longboard (no, I'm not a weirdo hippie), but taking this thing out and around campus to dominate hills would be awesome. Innovative and neat. Take a look.
7. The Path Ahead
Just a little foreshadowing. A little taste of what you can expect the rest of the week, the rest of the summer, the rest of the year, the rest of... everything. Don't stop, get it, get it.
The Doctor
Friday, July 25, 2008
Yankees vs. Sox With Even More At Stake?
This evening begins the 3-game series between the New York Yankees and the Boston Red Sox. Not only is the series crucial to the playoff hopes of both teams involved, but a lot is riding on it for...
us.
That's right, the staff at BIBTTP is very polarized when it comes to New York and Boston sports. Hailing from just outside Boston, SoBDD was born and raised staring up at the the Green Monster in awe, living as a proud citizen of Red Sox nation, and basking in the team's overall gayness. theShow and myself, however, grew up on Long Island (no, we're not THOSE GUYS and they DON'T REPRESENT THIS ISLAND!!!) and have grown up loving the Bronx Bombers, dreaming of the pinstripes, and demanding yet ANOTHER World Series victory year in and year out.
Although the stakes this weekend are high, they are simply not high enough for us. We want more.
And that's where you come in. If you have any good ideas about what SoBDD and I should wager (anything goes), tell us in the comments. The bet is on either way, we just don't know what's at stake. We'll take suggestions through Sunday and will have a neutral source pick the best reward/punishment that is submitted.
May the Yankees win.