If you don't know much about the Apple Store on 59th and 5th avenue in NYC, then you should know that it is open 24/7. Except for today. As I was taking a nice stroll today, I walked by the Apple store and noticed something unusual about it. I noticed that there seemed to be a line outside of the front door, several Apple employees wearing their brightly colored shirts, a good amount of security detail surrounding the building, and more importantly very expensive equipment clearly meant for shooting some sort of production. Upon closer inspection, I noticed no customers were inside of the store, and people were being turned down from entering the store. I couldn't help but ask one of the individuals involved in the detail around the store (it doesn't matter whether they were the security detail or an apple employee for the sake of keeping their identity as ambiguous as possible) what exactly was going on. "Oh the store is closed...they're shooting the new commercial for the new iPhone". Frankly their blunt and honest answer somewhat surprised me, as Apple has remained very covert over their entire operation. People kept carrying very expensive equipment into the Apple store, and the security detail began to set up a "rope barrier" around the perimeter of the store, about 10 feet away from the building, far enough away so that no one could get a glimpse of what was inside. This was at about 5 in the afternoon. I happened to walk by a little more recently this evening at about 10 p.m. and it looked like they were starting to store and shut down some of the equipment that had been placed outside the store. However, they still had a food stand and many more lights turned on inside the store. I decided to pry a little more from a different angle and approached one of the individuals involved in the detail again. When I asked when the new phone would come out, I received a very long-winded and very practiced response concerning their shortage in supply, their periodic but ambiguous deliveries of iPhone supplies, and the common "I don't know, they don't tell us anything". Good, because I had an ace in my sleeve (if you read my previous post on the 3G iPhone you'll see that many events seem to equal a 3G iPhone launch on June 15th), as I already knew that it was a commercial for the new iPhone. "So when does this commercial for the new iPhone come out". Here, they answered a very sincere, "I don't know," as they sounded almost a little disappointed, before they quickly realized what they had divulged clearly caught off guard, and they quickly tried to cover their tracks by saying, "I mean, we're not even sure if it's even for that...ya know". Well, there you have it, in my opinion, they wouldn't be shooting a commercial now for a product they are planning to launch months from now. It seems very clear that they will be releasing this new iPhone within the next 3 weeks.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
3G iPhone Commercial
Why I Hate Strip Clubs... Or At Least Strippers And Their Families... And All Their Relatives
Yes and no, kids. Let me explain. Yes, I like women. All women. They all have something worth while to give. Like the one with a prosthetic leg that gave herself to a teammate of mine a few years ago in Florida. Basically, she was cute, he was drunk, and they got in bed. She says something to the effect of: "Um, I have something to tell you." And POP! Off comes her leg just below the hip. He eases off of his position atop her, gets on his knees between her legs, reaches in his mouth and pops off his fake teeth. "Me too," he says, replacing them as he got back to work.
Being at a small, intellectual school, beauty is hard to come by. Instead of forsaking my endeavors, however, you just learn to love any little positive a girl might have. Some people call this "lowering standards," but I'd call it "broadening my horizons." Yeah, that girl has acne, a stupid hair cut, and a harelip, but she has rather nice eyes and they've been checking me out. I'll see you guys tomorrow." So yes, the Doctor loves women, and they need not be bombshells.
Naked women? Please. I won't even justify my love of the female form. Let's leave it at this: I've seen ya motha naked.
Then what is it, good Doctor? Why don't you love a naked woman flaunting herself at you in return for mere singles? It all goes back to a night, so long ago, when I was just a 17 year old boy trying to be a cool kid.
I was with my older brother and his friends, the youngest of which had just turned 18. To celebrate, they all pitched in 20 bucks and ordered up a stripper to the house. My first. I know, I know, hard to believe I was only a boy once, a boy with a dream to someday write for a blog that you'd be reading. But I digress.
So we 20 kids piled into the basement where there were three couches, a rug to sit on, and a lot of floor space for standing. Luckily, I sat on a couch with the only other two underage kids there, and then she came. In all her tank-top and jorts glory, hair in what can only be described as a slutty and dirty bun. As she reaches to remove her shirt, she pauses. "You guys are all 18, right?" I blush, but stay quiet, and off the shirt goes. And there she is...naked. Already? No dance or tease or anything? The mystery that was the in-person, naked female body was gone. No "let's turn out the lights," no fumbling to undo her bra in the darkness, just boobs. For me, for everyone there, and for the millions who must have seen this trash already.
Well, once I recovered from this initial shock (boobs), I noticed her stomach at the insistence of the kid to my left. I immediately regretted noticing. There was a huge, unsightly c-section scar running up her belly (and I reserve the term "belly" only for those who actually have one). I can't go into more detail than that without losing my lunch, but yes, a belly with a c-section scar. Holy mother of ew.
To make matters worse, this is everyone's first time, so we turn on some crappy dance music, and she starts moving around, and we're all just sitting there staring. A little while goes by, and the dancing isn't working, she realizes, so it's time for "lay-downs." Not much more to the phrase then what you'd expect. A fully naked, chubby mother of four lays across the couch on your laps and does awful things to herself. Awful things. Luckily, I was at the head end and didn't have to smell or look up her folded beef. As I look at her, she catches my gaze and, somehow mistaking my disgust for interest and desire, takes my hat, puts it on her head, grabs my hand and starts sucking on my fingers. It was one of the worst experiences of my life.
Looking in her crusty eyes, all I could see was her c-section, her children, and her filth. I never want to experience anything like that again...
until I'm over 30. Then I'll take what I can get, and if that's a hummer in the back of a strip club, so be it.
Yours,
Doctor Dozer
Red, White, and... Brown?
This afternoon, the United States men's soccer team played England in a friendly at Wembley. As Coach Bradley mainly used the match to test the form of his European-based players--only one MLS player started, with two more coming on in relief--and we were missing star midfielder Landon Donovan--who had a sore groin--the Americans weren't particularly expected to have a strong showing, and we surprised nobody. Amherica's poor passing, inability to set up quality scoring chances, and propensity to concede dangerous free kicks led to a 2-0 England victory.
So, our play was exactly like expected, anyway. And you might even say the same about our uniforms, in that in being nothing like anyone could've expected, they were exactly like could've been expected. (It's only fitting, I suppose, that such a contratian-sounding comment would owe a debt to Slate, and here it comes). The United States soccer teams' uniform troubles (and travels) have been well-documented. (Please note that the placement of the apostrophe was not a grammatical mistake. Rather, it was a nod to the American women's own kit problems, which, though many, will not be covered here.) Michael J. Agovino's piece that appeared on Slate last May--www.slate.com/id/2168476/--decried the American reluctance to pick a nice kit or two and stick with it. (For those who aren't up on soccer uniforms, and I can't say I blame you, "kit" just means "uniforms and stuff". Teams usually have two kits, a first and a second, and would generally prefer to wear the first as long as it isn't too similar to that of the home team, which has first pick.) In American soccer-playing history, long-but-not-distinguished, we've sported quite the array of uniforms. Below is a sampling. (Please note as well that I was unable to find any old pictures in color online, so these are all from the last 15 years.)
Yeah. Not pretty. Some red, some white, some navy blue, some royal blue, some stonewashed-looking blue, some diagonal stripes, some vertical stripes, some circles, some stars. A couple of those are solid, international-level kits, and more than a couple are pure garbage. But what we wore today... hoo boy.
I couldn't believe my eyes. America, as even foreigners like blogsquatch and dead people like blurryfoot know, is red-white-and-blue. Sure, the US men's soccer team hasn't been able to pick out a blue and stick with it, but at least we've been blue. When I asked some friends (and friends of the site) what color the US's uniforms were, I got the following responses:
Mrs. Schrute: "It's the USA. Of course they're wearing blue... No, brown. No, blue. Sons, why's the United States wearing brown?"
MacAttack: "They look gray... Or a weird blue."
Slov: "Blue. [With confidence.] Black. [With slightly less confidence.] They look gray. [She thinks for a moment.] Are they--[Totally perplexed.]--purple?"
As for myself, well, I think they'd be best classified as gray, perhaps even "slate". Maybe it's some kind of homage to Agovino's Slate commentary that the US needs to brand itself by picking something and sticking with it--so we picked something no one else would wear in a million years--or maybe it's an attempt to be "cool" and "cutting-edge" in an effort to attract fans who don't give a damn about World Cup quarterfinal appearances (2002, natch) but really like space-age looking Nike gear, or maybe they started as a normal blue and got damaged on the plane ride over. Or maybe they're just really fucking ugly, and will get thrown in the dustbin of bad American soccer uniforms like so many that have come before them.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
I have seen the future, and his name is Brandon Morrow
As a Red Sox fan, I've seen my share of good young pitching. Jon Lester and Clay Buchholz, 24 and 23, respectively, have each thrown a no-hitter in the last year, and these young guns promise to anchor the Red Sox rotation for years to come. But watching the Sox-Mariners game tonight, I saw the future of pitching in the American League, and his name is Brandon Morrow.
Morrow is a 23 year old righty in his second full season in the big leagues. Tonight, after starter Miguel Bastista walked Dustin Pedroia and lefty specialist Ryan Rowland-Smith allowed a single to David Ortiz, Morrow was brought in to face Manny Ramirez. Though Manny has struggled a bit recently, just two innings before, he hit a three run homer off Bastista, #499 of his career. With two men on and no one out, it was clear Manny was looking to make it an even 500 against the young Morrow.
After a nice changeup to get ahead 0-1, Morrow buzzed Manny with a fastball inside. This kid was definitely not intimidated. On a one-one count, Morrow threw a 98 mph fastball that made Manny look really bad. Now, I've watched Manny hit for the last eight years, and I know that he doesn't look silly often. And when he does, it's sometimes even on purpose--he's such a good hitter, he'll take bad swings simply to lure the pitcher into throwing the same pitch again. "Another fastball, another fastball," I prayed. My wish was granted when Morrow busted out a 99mph heater. What a stupid I am! Once again, Manny looked foolish. Mike Lowell followed Ramirez, and had just as much success. After three straight off-speed pitches (slider-changeup-slider), Morrow blew him away with another 98 mph fastball. Against JD Drew--almost as if to show he could work backwards, too--Morrow threw four 97+ pitches to get ahead in the count before getting Drew to line out.
Morrow just went an inning, giving me plenty of time to research the kid. In his final year at Cal, he was dominant, sporting a 2.05 ERA with a 2.5 K/BB ratio, very impressive in the high-run environment that is college baseball. The Mariners made him the fifth pick in the 2006 draft, and he hasn't disappointed. In almost 100 innings pitched in all levels of pro ball, he's got a 3.19 ERA. Though he struggled with control somewhat last year--7BB/9IP--he seems to have turned things around this season. In 75 major league innings--all of which have been in relief, but, as Sox broadcaster Jerry Remy relayed, the Mariners are planning to move him to the rotation soon--he's struck out 83 and yielded only 5 homers. His fastball, as he demonstrated tonight, is a pitch to be reckoned with, and his off-speed stuff is a good 12-15 mph slower, very effective for throwing off hitters' timing.
This past offseason, the Mariners traded for Erik Bedard, hoping the Canadian would be the ace they wanted to put them over the top in the AL West. (The Mariners needed more than an ace to put them over the top in the AL West, but that's a whole 'nother story.) Though talks originally involved Morrow, they ended up holding onto the young pitcher. The Mariners will probably come to regret the deal, as they and Bedard have both struggled. But they will not nearly regret the deal as much as if they had traded Morrow away. They wanted an ace, and, while they didn't trade for one, at least they held onto one. Brandon Morrow is his name. Know it.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
3G iPhone
Given the nature of college life and how busy and lazy we become towards the end of a semester, we've taken a very long hiatus from writing any sort of posts on here. Granted we don't really have that big of an audience so, really, was it that big of a deal? Anyway, we're trying to get this site back up and running, mostly to entertain ourselves now that we really have nothing else to do. The last few weeks I've spent a good amount of time researching this new iPhone coming out. All you really need to know is this: Apple is planning on coming out with it's second version of the iPhone, one that is 3G capable. What does this mean you ask? Well, it means that AT&T is setting up a more powerful network for 3G devices, like the new iPhone, so that when they are using the internet, instead of browsing at speeds comparable to dial-up, they'll be using something closer to a WiFi broadband network. So now that you know what the product is, now you need to know when it'll be coming out. Well rumor had it that it was going to be released in January of 2008. That didn't happen. Rumors then proceeded on to talking about a release by the end of 2008. But, it seems as though it should be sooner than that. AT&T has reportedly aimed at completing a 3G mobile broadband network by the end of June. With the supply of iPhones coming to a screeching halt the last few weeks, it seems all but obvious that Apple is making room for its newest addition to the iPhone family. There's also been a few signs that hint to the arrival of this new phone. According to Import Genius, a website that tracks shipments of goods entering the U.S., Apple has been importing a very large amount of "electric computers" into the country the last couple of months. This is the data that the site presents, and it is actually very interesting how they've managed to deter any attention they may have attracted had they labeled the shipments under "iPhone". Additionally, on a visit to an AT&T kiosk at the local mall, I learned today that AT&T employees have been discouraged from taking any sort of vacation between the days of June 15th and July 21st. Coincidentally, Apple's Developer's Conference runs from June 9th to the 13th.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
In Honor of Baseball's Best Rivalry
I made this for another purpose, but it was (if I say so myself) too good not to post. I should have a real post (like, with words) out for the first time in a long time very soon as well, and we hope to be debuting another special feature in the coming days.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Heath Is No Joke
With The Dark Knight scheduled to come out July 18, many are still wondering if the studios will decide to change anything due to Heath Ledger's death earlier this year. It seems as though Warner Brothers and director Christopher Nolan have decided to move along with their initial plans regarding the marketing time-line for the film. While there was a small hiatus after Ledger's death, viral marketing websites are back up, trying to reel in fans into the world of Gotham. As much fun, interesting, and effective those sites are for increasing the hype on the movie, I sincerely believe that this movie's success will and should be mostly credited to Ledger's performance. Yes, Christopher Nolan has completely transformed the Batman universe from Schumacher's commercialized and "kid-friendly" vision, into a darker, more profound world. But judging from the few trailers and TV spots that have been released so far, it seems as though Ledger's portrayal of the Joker will make or break the movie. They've already placed so much emphasis on his character throughout the marketing of the movie so far, that they clearly want fans to focus on the dynamic that Ledger's performance will bring on to the screen. From what I've seen, I think Ledger truly nails the part. Every time I catch the trailer on TV, Ledger's twisted laugh and his delirious demeanor get me excited to watch the film. I believe that his portrayal of the Joker will match, and maybe even beat Jack Nicholson's portrayal. Now I know that seems a little rash and impulsive. Frankly, I think Nicholson has rarely been upstaged, if ever, in any role he's taken. But there's something about Ledger that I like. Nolan's take on the Joker is much less cartoonish. Its almost like you sympathize for the character as you can feel the anguish in his demeanor with his ragged wardrobe and his smeared make-up. But then Ledger hits you with his sinister and mischievous smile that make you realize how evil his character is. I'll say it again, I think Ledger's performance will make or break this film. I'm very impressed with what they've done with the character, so I say Ledger's performance will be incredible, and will bring a fresh, and more appropriate depiction of the Joker to younger generations. Ultimately, it'll come down to one factor. I think younger generations will be more open and enjoy this portrayal of the Joker. But if Nolan and Ledger are able to sell it to fans of the Tim Burton version, then Warner Brothers will be celebrating a big compensation. This role will become one of, if not the defining role of Ledger's short, but successful career.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Its Like....A Really Big iPhone
Ever watched Minority Report? You know the scenes where Tom Cruise flails his arms everywhere and at the same time he's controlling some sort of holographic computer? Well, that might be happening sooner than you think. Jeff Han, a computer scientist over at NYU, and his boys at Perceptive Pixel have found a way to register your touch onto a screen. Supposedly he was inspired when he saw his own prints when holding a glass of water, a phenomenon called "frustrated internal total reflection".
.....MMMMMkkkkkkkkkk.......
But anyway, it looks like the coolest thing that's come out of NYU since the Olsen twins decided to check in for rehab. It completely changes user interactivity with computers. Frustrated at how you need to click a million times to move your picture albums around? Imagine scattering the pictures as if you were putting them on a table. The boys over at Microsoft have got the right idea. They decided the next big thing is going to be this. So of course, the best way to integrate this into everyday life...is to....turn a coffee table into a multi-touch computer. I have the video for Jeff Han on here. But if you want to check out Microsoft's, look no further than here.
Monday, March 24, 2008
Why You Should Pirate Movies (And How To Do It)
So, you want to pirate movies using the internet but you aren't sure it's right. I'm sure Mommy will tell you it's wrong, so if you're the kind of guy or girl that thrives on listening to all Mommy says, stop reading now. Yes, it's illegal and yes, it's probably not right. But who cares? I liken this to two things: satellite television and XM radio. Let me explain.
Basically, stealing movies is a way of getting for free things that cost money, like songs or access to certain channels. Yes, stealing music happens, but people also feel the need to subscribe to XM radio. The same is true for TV: a basic subscription can get you basic channels and many popular shows, but people still pay for HBO and the like. Why? Because people are willing to pay for superior quality. The place we're at now is one where movies, or at least DVDs, are at a place where certain free services, like pirating from the internet, can exceed. People are simply willing to give up a bit of resolution and sound quality so that they don't need to pay for something that is only slightly better in either category.
So, for the movie industry in the long run, two things can be done.
1 - Get into a new technology (ie Blu-Ray) that is so advanced that free alternatives lose a ton of their appeal. That's where they are going now, and I've got to say that when I go into Best Buy and see the amazing picture quality on some of the movies that are coming out, I know that, when I'm not a poor college student, I will pay top dollar to experience it. That is exactly what HBO, XM radio, and others have done to compete with a free service: severely out-perform it.
2 - Produce awesome films with awesome hype or ad campaigns. I continue to see movies in the theaters because I want to a) see it in theater quality as soon as possible or b) fund the creators of the film because they deserve it. People will continue to see movies and review them to their friends. If a movie is good, it'll be seen. Hyped movies will be seen too (Cloverfield). Basically, if you make people want to see your movie, they will.
Now, if you're convinced that pirating is for you (or not), here is how to do it (and not get caught).
Basically, we'll be looking how to use torrents to download movies from the internet. Torrents are all the rage right now, with tons of sites hosting them and more and more people coming on board every day. They pose a very efficient way to download large files from the internet at high speeds. So here go.
First, install Peer Guardian 2 from Here. Basically, this is a privacy protection application and should be running on your computer at all times, and ALWAYS when you're using P2P. What it does is blocks any malicious IP addresses from accessing your computer, meaning government, school, or other anti-P2P organizations cannot see what you're doing.
Next, download uTorrent (for Windows), which is a program (a BitTorrent client) that handles torrent files for you. It's a very simple and self-explanatory program, and it's certainly one of the best of its kind out there. Download it from here: uTorrent.
Next, use the following sites to start searching for torrent files online: IsoHunt and PizzaTorrent. I like using IsoHunt for files I know are currently popular (recent movies or TV shows or albums) and PizzaTorrent for files that are slightly more obscure. When using these sites, note that S or Seeds is the number of people that are currently sharing the torrent you want (the more the better) and L or Leeches is the number of people downloading it and sharing it (good, but not as important as S). You'll get the hang of finding and selecting good files over time, but that's a good start.
Finally, download VLC Media Player which you'll need to handle the myriad of different video file extensions that torrent downloading inevitably provides. VLC can handle almost anything. Download it here: VLC.
Now you're all set. Remember to keep PG2 up and running at all times. I would also recommend using an external hard drive for storing large video files. Otherwise, such files can severely slow your computer.
Well that does it. I hope everything I've written is straightforward and helpful. Feel free to comment if you have any questions or if something isn't clear or correct.
Rx: Steal lots and lots of movies every day as needed
Signed:
Doctor Dozer
Sunday, March 23, 2008
The Breaking Bad Season Finale...
Was disappointing. Yeah, it kind of was. I would like to continue to defend the show, however, and blame the finale on the rush job that was caused by the writer's strike.
Damn you, writers' strike. Despite being resolved already, I hate you so much. I had to wait for Lost, I still haven't seen the Office, and a number of good shows were cancelled. However, the worst part of the writers' strike is the effect it had on the creative licenses of certain shows, namely Heroes and Breaking Bad. I'll stick to Breaking Bad on this post, but I think Heroes may have got it even worse.
Breaking Bad's premier season simply was not resolved. After a phenomenal episode 6, the 7th and final episode did little but tie up some loose ends, but it certainly didn't bring the season full circle as I had been expecting. Walt basically hammered out the details of his deal with Tuco, and we saw more of his violence. They stole some chemicals from a factory. Then there was a close call regarding getting caught in Jesse's basement due to his open house. But they didn't get caught. But all these things are gimmicky bricks being laid for future episodes.
Which brings me back to the writers' strike. Don't misinterpret what I'm saying here. I don't favor one side over the other and frankly don't know enough of the details regarding the issues to have an opinion. I just hate that the event had to happen. It ruined the stretch for Breaking Bad, a show that was intended to have a 9 episode season but was cut to 7. I really wish I got to see what they had originally intended, and I blame YOU writers' strike. You big jerk.
On my next post, why strip clubs just aren't that cool.
Doc
Saturday, March 8, 2008
When Will the iPhone be myPhone?
blogsquatch touched on the AIM client that iPhone will now be utilizing, and like he said, it will make texting obsolete in the future. You cannot compete with free instant messaging by offering text messaging at a price. There's just no way it can last. In addition to this, though, the iPhone SDK offers the consumer many other things to make their peen pop.
First of all, Apple has simply overhauled the OS on the iPhone, teaming up with some other developers and enhancing the keyboard, the multitouch feature, and just the OS in general. I read about the details over at Gizmodo, and let's just say the iPhone will now run more smoothly. Next, the iPhone will now be able to sync with a Mac, giving uses the ability to debug, to drag-and-drop to and from the iPhone, to remotely access the iPhone over the internet, and to run an iPhone simulator to make sure your code and apps are all working properly. Finally, and this is the one that gets me going (and by that I mean gives me a full-out hard-on), Apple is "excited about creating a vibrant third party developer community with
potentially thousands of native applications for iPhone and iPod touch." That final piece of the SDK has vast implications.
It means that now people can add tons of new applications and features to the iPhone without relying on Apple to develop them all individually. These applications will be left to the developer to price, so now there will potentially be unlimited freeware for you to spice up your iPhone. That in and of itself is humongous, but there's one more facet to this that gets me very very excited about the iPhone.
Apple wants to have a superior product. They don't want to nickel and dime you by developing must-have software and charging you for it (like iPod games or something). Instead, Apple saw a desire to have the iPhone do more, obviously aware of "jailbreak" iPhones being hacked and enhanced. Well, instead of making this process exclusive to those with the daring and know-how, Apple decided to allow everyone to get in on it, and undertook a massive project to allow them to do so. This shows Apple's intentions, and boy are they good. They want a superior product, and they want you to buy it for that reason alone. That is a product and a company I want to invest in. The iPhone SDK has convinced me beyond a shadow of a doubt that I need an iPhone and that it is well worth getting one. Thanks, Steve.
Rx
iPhone: used topically, as needed, starting immediately
Doctor Dozer
Friday, March 7, 2008
Wanted
I'm big into movies. As of recently, I've been a sucker for the viral marketing that movies like Cloverfield and I Am Legend have used to build up the hype before the release date. Wanted is one of the newest graphic novel adaptations coming to the big screen that looks like may be a sleeper for one of the best movies to watch this summer. It might be a little hard with WALL*E, Iron Man, and The Dark Knight all having great prognostications for their success. Coming Soon just came out with the newest trailer for Wanted. Definitely check it out. Click on "read more" to see it.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Forget SMS, AIM Is Making Its Own Mark
Hey,
Being my first post on the site, I thought I would make a smooth entrance without posting anything too long, big, whatever. But I will be definitely talking about something incredibly important, as it will definitely change the mobile phone market. Apple has just unveiled the new SDK for the iPhone. Basically what this means, is that people are going to notice a bunch of new applications that will come out for iPhones. This is really similar to the applications you can find for your Mac if you go to apple.com, and decide to download a widget, games, etc. But this isn't the biggest part of today's news. Apple also announced today that AIM will soon be compatible with the iPhone. This is something that is somewhat overdue. It is interesting however, the implications this has in the relationship between Apple and AT&T. Are SMS fees going to go down? As a college student I know most people live and breathe by texts and AIM. I do know plenty of people who decide that AIM is far more detrimental to their social lives than texting. With this new update coming up, it'll be interesting to see what other cell phone companies do in response to this. They can't possibly stay quiet when their competition is essentially offering free texting at no extra charge.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Bad Is Broken: There's No Going Back
Breaking Bad is the story of a man who was dealt a shit hand and is now beyond desperate. Walter White, played BRILLIANTLY by Bryan Cranston, who spells his name the cool way, is a nerdy high school chemistry teacher that is diagnosed in the opening episode with inoperable lung cancer. Combined with a fortunate series of events and his newfound willingness to do whatever it takes to leave his family better off than they have been on his modest salary, Walt finds his way into cooking crystallized methamphetamine. From here, the story rolls.
Although it sounds a little gimmicky written down in this form, I can assure you that the performance of Bryan Cranston forces you to believe in the level of his desperation and thus believe in the events that transpire. This show is dark. It does all it can to confront truly difficult questions for humanity: questions of mortality, morality, and the depths one will go to in order to provide for those he loves.
So please, give Breaking Bad a chance. Start from the beginning and go with it. Ignore any questions of credibility you have for the drug scene and watch it for the issues it raises and the way in which it confronts those issues. The show has truly moved me at this point.
For those of you planning on watching at some point, I'll leave you here before I delve into reflections on the latest episode. This Sunday is the finale, so do your best to catch up by then. Once again, I promise that you won't be disappointed.... unless you're a tool.
Episode 6: "Crazy Handful of Nothin'"
The best episode yet. The ending was one of the most cinematic and fantastic things I've ever seen on TV. I really mean that.
The episode starts to outline the operation of Jesse and Walt going forward. Walt cooks, Jesse sells. After Jesse goes on his first round of sales, Walt berates him, saying it isn't enough and that they need a distributor to sell to. Jesse suggests Tuco, but quickly writes it off as crazy. Later in the episode, Jesse, in the company of a friend of his, goes to Tuco to sell a bag of crystal meth for 35 G's. Jesse asks for the money up front, and, after bagging it for him, Tuco beats the crap out of him, keeping the money and the drugs. Walt visits Jesse in the hospital and demands of Jesse's friend all the information he has on Tuco.
The next day, Walt wakes up and shaves himself bald, refusing to let the chemo beat him to it. With his new look and a bag of drugs, Walt goes to see Tuco. As he stands before him, Walt is focused and demands $50,000: 35 for the drugs he took and 15 for the inconvenience of coming to see Tuco. Tuco and his cronies laugh off Walts request. How could Walt be dumb enough to come back with more meth to get stolen when Jesse got beaten up and stolen from just a day or two ago?
Walt responds calmly. "That would be dumb... if this were crystal meth," at which point he slams a crystal to the ground. A huge explosion shakes the building to its foundation. With the bag of explosive crystals, which he says are fulminated mercury, held over his head, Walt gets the money and leaves unharmed. When he reaches his car, he spends a minute growling and yelling and salivating like an animal. It is simply amazing acting. Watch the episode and try not to be moved by the last 3 minutes. Impossible. Walt is my hero.
I can't wait for this Sunday and for next season. This will be a great show for the foreseeable future, and will provide the viewer with a chance to see how much more he or she can appreciate life. Simply put, it changes how you look at things for the better. Watch this show. You won't be disappointed.
Rx: Once a week, preferably Sundays at 10.
Signed: Doctor Dozer
Saturday, March 1, 2008
The Greatest Love Song I Ever Wrote...
There's nothing I love more than sports, Springsteen, and being clever. I counted 16 references to Bruce's song titles and lyrics in the first minute of SportsCenter the other night. How many can you catch? See the first comment for all the ones I picked up. I got the video off of With Leather, which in turn saw it on Awful Announcing, but I did the listening all by myself...
McCain: The Right Man for America
We’ve been around for about a week now and, best we can tell, the only people who have visited the site are us trying to see if anyone else has visited the site. What do you do when nobody is paying attention to you? Well, to take a page out of the collective books of Skip Bayless, Jay Mariotti, and salesgenie.com—that last one is the people who ran the racist Super Bowl ads—you say something sure to piss people off and wait for the attention to start rolling in. The critics among you might point out that for people to get pissed off, they have to hear it first, to which I reply: a) it’s lack of critical thinking skills on issues like that one that mean we still have no readers, and b) if we have no readers we have no critics, so who am I arguing with right now? So, here’s my sure-to-piss-people-off stand, at least in the liberal world that is the Internet, the Northeast, and Reston University: I support John McCain for president.
Now, how sure-to-piss-people-off (STPPO) is that? In the grand scheme of things I could’ve chosen to support, maybe not that STPPO, but I’m new at this. (Coming tomorrow: I support global warming and climate change.) Over the past two months, John McCain has received the primary vote of almost six million Americans. But he’s also failed to receive even 50% in 18 of the 24 states (plus the District of Columbia) which have held elections, got less votes than Ron Paul in four caucus states—future election rule: you get less votes than Ron Paul or Dennis Kucinich (and you know those crackpots will keep running for president) in any state, you have to drop out then and there—and drawn the ire of such a spectrum as The New York Times, Anne Coulter, and, most recently and most notably, Bill Cunningham. To which I say: if you’ve manage to piss off all those people, you’re either doing something very wrong or very right.
So then, why is John McCain the right man to lead our country? Before I begin, and you start tuning out because you don’t want to hear about or can’t even wrap your head around how John McCain’s immigration plan is better than Obama’s or why McCain’s thoughts on the economy are superior to Hillary’s, I will promise you this: I will not turn this into a policy wonking session. So what if you don’t understand them? [Disclaimer: I do not actually feel this way. I hope to God you understand the issues at least on some level. But bear with me here.] If you are reading this, you’re probably more media-savvy and well-educated (not to mention hotter and better endowed!) than the mouth-breathers in Florida, Ohio, and Pennsylvania who will decide this election. (I can just hear the people in Iowa saying, “We’re mouth-breathers, too! Don’t forget about us!”) But anyway. No issues. Just people.
John McCain is the right man to lead our country, now more than ever, for three reasons. John McCain is the right man for Washington. Some decry him as a Washington insider, and not, on some level, without merit. But McCain, with his 22 years of Senate experience, is a Washington insider in the best sense of the word. For all the talk about Barack Obama’s ability to reach across the aisle to heal political wounds, I say the same thing everyone has been asking—or should’ve been asking—about all the elements of the Obama campaign: Where’s the beef? (Ed. Note: The Eighties called. They want their joke back.) (Ed. Ed. Note: They want that one back, too.) Obama’s work and votes in the Senate are so liberal (check out the National Journal Senator rankings for now, I’m looking for another one to corroborate) as to lend absolutely no credence to the idea that he will bring much-needed much-promised postpartisan Change ™ to Washington. But as we speak of this business of “healing DC”, it is important to note that, contrary of the opinions of Mitt Romney—who simultaneously tried to run as the candidate anointed by Republican elites and the outsider candidate—Washington is not “broken”. Contrary to the opinions of Barack “Shawshank”—that’s Andy Dufresne’s rhetoric, Red’s voice, and Rita Hayworth’s emptiness-behind-the-sexy-front— Obama, Washington is not “where good ideas go to die”. Good things happen in Washington every day, and I don’t just mean Gilbert’s blog posts. What it takes for good things to happen in Washington—or hell, anyway—is for people to be willing to listen to each other and work with each other. And though it’s pissed a lot of people off, John McCain has consistently shown a willingness to do just that. I point you to McCain-Feingold, McCain-Kennedy and the Gang of 14. (Don’t know what I’m talking about? Well, you’ve done the hard part and gotten access to the internet. Google ’em yourself. And plus, I promised no policy-wonking-off.) You may disagree with the conclusions reached and ends aimed for, but the Good Lord knows the man is trying. McCain has shown a willingness to work with others with the country’s best interests at heart.
As you surely know, because even attack ads against him make note of it, John McCain’s war record is exemplary. McCain, for those you who don’t know, served our country in the Navy for upwards of 20 years, of which seven years were spent in combat in Vietnam. Of course, over five of those years were as a Prisoner of War of the North Vietnamese, where he was constantly subject to intense and inhumane torture. I have heard it whispered that five and a half years in a POW camp aren’t so good for your brain. To which I reply: five and a half years of coke ain’t so good for your health either, but that’s not stopping Barack Obama. But I digress. I don’t want this to be an anti-Barack Obama post, because Lord knows he’s the people we’ve been waiting for. (Coming tomorrow: Obama’s Christ Complex.) McCain’s military experience give him a significant advantage over the other candidates when it comes to deciding the best course of action in Iraq. He pushed for a greater influx of troops—“the surge”—when it was wildly unpopular, and his campaign only rallied from the hit it took from this stand when his views where vindicated and the surge proved to be successful. Please understand we do not need a military man to run the country, even in a time of war—look no further than Abraham Lincoln, our greatest wartime (or anytime) president who never served in the military. If our Founding Fathers had believed military experience was necessary to head the government, they wouldn’t’ve made the military subordinate to the civilian government. Instead, it appears they, like me, subscribed to Georges Clemenceau’s thoughts on the subject: War is much too serious a business to be entrusted to the military. And again, I digress. The point is, as a man who has served his country honorably in uniform and out, John McCain can be trusted to do the right thing with the American military.
This brings me to my final point on John McCain’s candidacy. Any discussion of McCain must start and end with one word: ethical. (Here, I’ve chosen just to end with it because it would look pretty fucking stupid to have the same paragraph at the beginning and end of the post.) Throughout his life, John McCain has constantly shown himself to be a man of the highest integrity and honor. A quick side story, one that does serve a purpose besides allowing me to show off the fact that I have real political knowledge and can do more that slip in one-liners directed at Obama. There are two recently trends in politics driven by Karl Rove, both counter to the way politicians usually think. (If you know anything about politicians, it should come as no surprise that these trends are wildly successful.) Rove beliefs were thus: first, instead of moving to the center and courting moderate voters, candidates are better served appealing to their “base”—voters firmly in their camp ideologically but often cannot be motivated to get out and vote. Rove got them off their asses and to the polls. Second, instead of attacking your opponent where he is weakest, attack him at his strength and take his voters there. (I’m sure you will remember the hullabaloo about John Kerry’s military service. No matter your views on the Swift-Boating, one thing is clear: John Kerry gave more to this country while in uniform than George W. Bush did. But when the election came, who was perceived as the more military-savvy man? Exactly.) So, anyway, attack an opponent at his strength. And over the past week, both Barack Obama and The New York Times (if you don’t think the Times is McCain’s opponent just as much as Obama is, well, you’ve never read The New York Times) have gone after McCain’s credibility and ethics, both in regards to his marital fidelity and his relationship with lobbyists. (Coming tomorrow: I go after The New York Times’ creditability. Whoops, Jayson Blair beat me to it.) Given that all attacks were quickly defanged and debunked, even by national media aching for a black cock, it is fair to say that this Caesar’s wife truly is beyond reproach.
John McCain is the right man for America. Does it help McCain’s cause that I agree with him on many major issues? Of course. But I disagree with him on some major issues as well. Does it McCain’s cause that one of my buddies worked on his campaign? Of course. But I have plenty of friends working for Obama too. Does it McCain’s cause that he has a banging hot 54 year old wife? Of course. And I ain’t qualifying that one with a but. Really, though, the reason I think John McCain should be our next president is that more than anyone, I trust him to do right by our country. He is a man of of courage and integrity, who has served the United States honorably in the past and will continue to do so, no matter the outcome of this election. He is a man of principle, but he is unafraid to compromise when it is in the country’s best interest. And… after 1750 words, I have no conclusion.
Vote McCain.
Read More......Thursday, February 28, 2008
I'm Lost because of Lost
I just wanted to start my blogging career off with a quick word about Lost. It's on tonight, so we'll start there.
I started watching about this time last year. I watched three seasons in two weeks, and then had withdrawals for, what, nine months? Too damned long, however much time it was. Anyway, the show was fascinating, and I fell in love with it. Or became obsessed and had to know what would happen, whether I was thoroughly entertained or not.
A lot has gone on between when I caught up at around episode 18 last year and now. We find out they're getting off the island. People in helicopters and ships are looking for them. But do we really know anything? No. Which is why I'm going to make some absurd conjectures and see what happens.
We already know that Jack, Hugo, Kate, Sayid and Aaron make it off the island as members of the Oceanic 6. Ben is scary.That leaves one more person that will be getting off. I'd have said Sawyer, but after his comments a couple weeks ago, looks like he's not interested. Desmond and Juliette weren't on the flight, so they shouldn't be considered, unless the show isn't playing by the rules. So, I'm going to guess that... Sun makes it off. I just can't see it being Claire or Sawyer or Locke, and she's due for a flashback/forward episode.
The more we think about the Oceanic 6, though, the more my thoughts come to rest on the funeral at season 3's finale. Who was Jack seeing off that no one else would be interested in paying respects to? Was that the 6th person? If that is the Oceanic 6th and no one attends the funeral, does that make it Sawyer or Locke, someone no one would care for? Did the other survivors kill someone that was no longer willing to go along with their story?
And what's with that story anyway? What are they protecting? What horrible thing did they do to get off the island that they must never tell anyone? HOW THE HELL DID KATE STEAL AARON?!? Dammit this is frustrating.
Other thoughts:
We'll never be told anything about the black smoke.
That time travel stuff is VERY scary. What the hell is going on with the missiles and now the helicopter? Hopefully they let us know where the hell Sayid is and what's going on with him. Should be cool to see something of this damned ship.
The more I write, the more frustrated I get at not knowing a damned thing about what's really going on here. Those writer sons of bitches. TELL US SOMETHING!
All this writing makes me miss the greatest show on television, Heroes, more and more. When is that coming back? I hope soon.
Oh, and Breaking Bad is a phenomenal show that no one else I know is watching. More on that in my next post.
Yours,
Doctor Dozer
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
When Doctor Dozer told me Blogsquatch was starting a blog, I jumped at the chance to be involved. A platform where I could write about what I want, how I want, when I want? Sign me up. You see, about a month ago, on this very site--Blogger, that is, not BIBTTP--I had created Shank Shank--a site dedicated to chronicling the inane ramblings of Dan "The Curly-Haired Boyfriend" Shaughnessy--but the subject was inherently limited, and besides, I stopped once I realized I would have to read Shaugnessy's stuff every day. Before that, I'd tried my hand at blogging, writing a weekly newsletter/power rankings type piece for my fantasy football league, but there, the audience was inherently limited. So, here, in the debonair, suave, and, thankfully-not-the-least-bit-blurry-so-we-can-enjoy-him- in-all-his-handsome-goodness form of Blogsquatch, was my chance to get my voice heard by the masses. Or at least by a couple of bored kids clicking "Next Blog" in the little Blogger window. But I'd take what I could get.
But that voice, the voice so aching to get out, the voice the masses so needed to hear, what was that voice? I mean, what do I have to say that hasn't been said before? The internet is a huge place--or series of tubes, if you prefer--and if you're on it enough to have discovered our lonely little corner of the web, you've probably already seen what I'm going to be writing, only done crisper, funnier, and more succinctly. (Never use a large word when a diminutive one will suffice, that's my motto.) Our blog name--Bigfoot Is Blurry, That's The Problem--is lifted right out of a Mitch Hedberg sketch. Our informal blog motto--a blog about nothing--is stolen straight from "Seinfeld". Hell, even my blogging name, Sons of Big Daddy Drew, owes it paternity--Get it? Paternity?--to someone else out there.
So why do this at all? The masses--if we can ever aspire to have masses at this site--they've heard it before, no? Are we nothing more than rebels without a cause, writers with nothing to say, kids with no voice of their own? I'd like to think not, otherwise I wouldn't've been so excited to be doing this. But maybe that's exactly what we are. And when it comes right down to it, there's nothing wrong with that. So what's it going to be? Your guess is as good as mine. Why don't you stick around and find out?
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Sup
Hello,
and welcome to our senseless ramblings. I am blurryfoot, and there is no way to describe the goings-on of this discussion group but to state that we have simply found a way to impose our opinions and beliefs upon all those who may unfortunately venture to this site. Too much of our lives are spent being polite, courteous, and most importantly, politically correct. Thus, we intend to bring the exact opposite to this blog. Say what you want, and fear no persecution. Soon you'll be working a shitty job, making much less money than you are worth, and hating every second of it. So get it out now, before expressing yourself gets you sent straight to HR.
yours truly,
blurryfoot
His Footprints Are Big, But What Does That Say About His... Hands?
blogsquatch - The ringleader of our flaming foursome, blogsquatch brought us all together for the explicit purpose of, well, without an explicit purpose, then. But I do want to let him know that it's great to be here. And I want to let you, the reader, know that he is an attractive undergraduate man. The kind you cry yourself to sleep over. His debonair and his suave moves make all men want to be him and all women want to...well, get after his "bigfoot," if you will. A unique and intelligent guy with a great sense of humor, I wouldn't want to write with anyone else.
Sons of Big Daddy Drew - If you're familiar with Big Daddy Drew's work over at Kissing Suzy Kolber, you'll love this guy. He probably has the most writing experience out of any of the guys here, working for the paper, writing mini-blogs for his fantasy football leagues, and other such acts of pointless authorship. Witty to the extreme, we'll see where his antics take us. I love having him aboard.
Doctor Dozer - Yes, that's me. Ya boi, if you will. Anyway... Yeah, it's not easy writing about yourself. I think we'll go with "smart, handsome, and utterly hilarious." That should probably do it. As far as content you might see in my posts... READ THEM and you'll find out.
blurryfoot wanted to write you guys his own write up, so I'm going to leave you here. He'll take you home. And touch you. Inappropriately. I swear. See you all soon, I hope.
The Dr.