Saturday, August 30, 2008

Brad Childress: Who I Really Am and The Future of my NFL Career

expr:id='"post-" + data:post.id' >

Dear Zygi Wilf and the Minnesota Vikings Organization,

In light of recent events and the buildup of endless guilt for the lies that have surrounded my life in my years as a football coach, I write you this letter to inform you of my resignation. The primary reason for this is that I am, in truth, not the person you thought I was. I am not a football coach. I am not Brad Childress. I am...

Tobias Fünke. I know this may come as a shock to you, the players, and the fans, but it is the first bit of truth I have told since I began my open relationship with my wife, Lindsay Bluth Fünke. It has been a long road getting to this point, so before I explain my reasons for leaving the organization, let me explain how I came to be here.

In the summer after our open relationship began, I rededicated myself to what I knew was my calling: acting. I knew that, with the help of the famous Carl Weathers (who owes me a quarter million dollars despite his massive weekly fee of $10,000), I could make it as an actor. I could take on a role that no one had ever thought possible. I could even take on roles outside of fictitious productions and screenplays. I could do it in every way (which is incidentally what my piano tutor used to tell me as he stroked my balding head with his hairy bear hands), and I could do it in real life, too.

So that's what I set out to do: something unbelievably believable. Carl and I were driving along in out Volkswagen Beetle to Vernon, British Colombia in Canada for the taping of "Making the Cut," a reality hockey series in need of a hockey coach actor. It sounded as real as I could imagine. Think about it for a second: reality. What could be realer than this reality business? If I could do this, then I'd have everyone fooled.

On the drive, however, we broke down just outside of Minneapolis, Minnesota. Instead of selling my mouth to lonely truckers so that Carl and I could make it the rest of the way, we decided to find something real to do in Minneapolis. It was a Sunday in late December of 2005, and a number of individuals wearing purple tights, pointed metal helmets and manly beards exited a bar just ahead of Carl. As I admired their garb, I asked them what had gotten them to such a frothy and excited state. After much ado about some game with an oblong ball that Carl seemed to know quite a bit about, we discovered that the Vikings organization was in need of a coach. A real live COACH! This was the same role that I had been headed to Canada for, but this was so much closer. All we needed now was to convince a man named Zygi that I was the one for the job.

So Carl and I fabricated a resume about coaching quarterbacks and some such nonsense that landed me an interview with Zygi himself. Although the interview didn't go so well at first, the conversation turned somehow to all the men that would be in the showers, and somehow during this discussion, I discovered that Zygi was a never-nude!

And just like that, I had the job. From psychiatrist to jobless actor to actor playing an NFL Head Coach, I had come full circle. I had made it.

After getting the job, it truly wasn't all too difficult to convince people that I was qualified. I yelled at players and patted their butts. I waited for them to be in between their football and street outfits before addressing them. No one really listened to what I had to say as I eyed their bulges and hairy, muscular chests, dreaming of times when I might work out with them and spot them as they did leg squats.

And somehow this has worked. The Vikings got a man they call Purple Jesus, and fans believe we can actually be a good team this year. Hunky Brett Favre is out of our division, and we may finally do well in the NFC North! But alas, you must go on without me.

The guilt has become too strong. The lie has become too hard to maintain. And I cannot bear to stare at these strapping naked men much longer lest I misbehave in ways that would deem me insane.

So please, Zygi, accept this resignation and know that it comes from a man with a now heavy heart. I'm sorry I wasn't who you thought I was. I'm sorry that I'm not Brad Childress. I can only be the man I'm destined to be, the actor I've worked to be. And that man is...

Tobias Fünke.

Read More......

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

ESPN Finds All These Chinese Names Very Confusing

expr:id='"post-" + data:post.id' >

You know who Wei Yang is, right? Chinese male gymnast, best in the world, winner of the all-around title and two other medals in Beijing? This guy:



Obviously, he's a great athlete. But he's not so great that he also competed for China in women's badminton doubles. But don't tell that to ESPN. Take a look at his page in their athlete profiles section:



You can see for yourself here.

I'm sure you'll agree that the real story here is the Chinese badminton team getting bounced in the quarterfinals. China has literally 1 billion more people than us, seemingly all of whom are enrolled in state-run sports academies training to play medal-rich sports no one else cares about like badminton, table tennis, and diving. So while Wei Yang the gymnast is a national hero, Wei Yang the badmintoner is a cultural traitor whose actions hurt the feelings of the Chinese people. Nothing five years in a hard labor reeducation camp won't fix.

For the record, the Wei Yang who plays badminton is this person:


Read More......

Weekly Prescriptions: 8-24

expr:id='"post-" + data:post.id' >

Sorry I missed you all last week. We had our fantasy football draft on Sunday so SoBDD was down visiting and much preparation went in to making it a fantastic draft experience. So this week we will resume with your regularly scheduled Weekly Prescriptions. On a side note, I've been taking Pepcid AC because I cannot stop burping. That's my personal daily dose, but yours will be much sweeter after the jump.

1. Beijing Olympics Wrap Up Photos
Not much else to be said about that. Some cool pics of what was a great event. Although our softball team is a joke. Losers.

2. Goddamn Batman
This is how I feel almost all the time. I get urges to call people retards and remind them of my identity while placing a "god damn" in front of it. What an absolute bad ass...

3. Travis Pastrana
I just stumbled upon this and remembered watching it happen a few years ago. What an awesome stunt. Balls. On my chin.

4. Charles Manson's Epic Answer
I don't know much about Manson, but I know that this video scares me and creeps me the hell out. Holy crap.

5. Statue Pics
You'll get exactly what you're expecting from this site. Statue pictures. And lots of them.

6. Real Robocop
People hate when science fiction has bad science. Well, Robocop's science just got a little more real. Check this walking S.O.B. out. Not too shabby for a cripple.

And that'll do it this week. See you soon.

Your Doctor,
Dozer

Read More......

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Photoshop Gone Too Far

expr:id='"post-" + data:post.id' >

I know magazines like to touch up pictures, especially those of models. But don't you think today's Boston Globe Magazine is a bit excessive?



I mean, where's her left arm?

(Sorry for the small picture; we're working on getting a bigger one.)

Read More......

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

My Sister Claims All Conservatives Are Old Stupid Rich White Men

expr:id='"post-" + data:post.id' >

To which I say:



Damn, that's a lot of Old Stupid Rich White Men!

In other news: Are you sick of the Left's "Bush's Last Day" paraphernalia? I know I am. Now you can answer by supplying the answer to the implied question of who will step in after Bush's last day. All proceeds will be donated to John McCain 2008.



You can pick yours up here:

http://www.zazzle.com/mccains_first_day_shirt-235614186218916433

(For some reason, the hyperlink doesn't seem to be working. Should be corrected any minute now. Terribly sorry.)

Read More......

Monday, August 11, 2008

WTF Russia

expr:id='"post-" + data:post.id' >

So I thought I would take a moment and speak about something besides technology today. Late last week violence broke out in the separatist region of Georgia known as South Ossetia. Now for those not familiar with this area the politics and history of it are almost as complicated as those of Israel and Palestine and I don't think I could possibly scratch the surface. What I would like to talk about is the possible future impactions of this. The Russian aggression in this region reeks of pre-1990s Soviet policy. The popularity of Putin and his party have never been greater as he regions Russia to its former greatness. The question that remains how long will the west stand by on the side lines and allow this second coming of the iron curtain to go unopposed. Now while I do not like either candidate in this fall's upcoming election, I do feel that if Obama get elected Russia aggression will continue and it will be unchecked. This is one region of the world that will be interesting to watch as the years go on.

Read More......

Michael, Shut the Phelps Up

expr:id='"post-" + data:post.id' >


I love the Olympics. America flexes its superior muscles, we get to see some sweet sports that are hard to find on cable, and some amazing things happen. Like last night, when the Americans took the men's 4x100 freestyle relay in swimming, beating the French (who had promised victory) by less than a tenth of a second. But some things, such as what went on last night and all day today, make me sick. What, exactly, is that, you ask? Well, find out after the jump.

I hate the excessive amount of coverage that Michael Phelps has gotten since winning his second gold medal. Yes he's our best Olympian and yes he's going for 8 golds in Beijing, but if I see another picture of him flexing his abs on NBC before the Olympics are over, I'll pulverize his svelte pelvis. I mean, one of these images is fine:

But this has been shown every half hour on NBC. I mean, the guy is cute and everything, but show him winning, not standing on the deck cheering...

And this...

I mean, show the guy winning, show him getting the medal, show the frames of our swimmer's hand hitting the wall just before the Frenchie. But please, one more shot of the shirtless hunk and I'll piss vomit.

Think about that: pissing vomit. Yeah, gross.

Read More......

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Weekly Prescriptions: 8-10

expr:id='"post-" + data:post.id' >


Hey folks. Sorry I'm late this week. Happy Olympic Games to everyone! Summer is on its way out, but not before we get a chance to own Red China in the medal count in Beijing. I mean, those bastards are doing their darnedest to steal the count by dominating events where absurd amounts of government-sponsored time and steroids go a long way, but I think the good guys will come out on top (though not by too much). Anyway, here's a few sites to get you from Olympic game to Olympic game.

1. NBC Olympics Online
For those of you that are like me and cannot get enough of the Olympics, here is a site that let's you watch anything you want anytime you want (live when possible). After the opening ceremony aired on Friday night, I found this site and spent a long time watching judo. I don't really get the cool factor behind the wrist grabbing and shirt un-doing, but it was somehow fun to watch. On a different note, all the accessibility that NBC is offering online is really refreshing. Makes me think the internet may last forever.

2. Yahoo! Olympics
Being a medal count junkie, Yahoo!'s main page for Olympics coverage does just that. The other thing it offers, which I have not been able to find elsewhere, is a constantly updated list of recently concluded events and their respective medal winners. I love knowing the name of the guy that came in second in 10 meter air pistol, and this site grants me that knowledge.

3. Chemistry Exam
I'm guessing you may have seen this already, or at least seen things like it, but it's funny. If you haven't seen it yet, you're welcome. It reminds me of my days in eighth grade. I used to dominate the teacher and her tests so hard that, upon finishing early, I would throw my ruler at my classmates. I would also spend time sneaking to the chalkboard to draw a hexagon to represent my alter ego, the Hexagon Bandit. Intelligent jerks are the very best kind.

4. Ledger's Joker Concepts
I think it's pretty clear that the guys around BIBTTP are pretty big Batman fans (at least the re-imagined version with Christian Bale). Well, I dug up this site and found it awesome for a good "what if?" What if they had gone ahead with these early concepts for Heath Ledger as the Joker? I think it would have made the movie less realistic (which I proclaimed was one of its best features). Also, I think it may have taken some of the Heath out of the role. That face looks plastic and stiff, and his facial expressions were amazing. Either way, it's an interesting thing to contemplate.

5. 7 High Profile Basketball Criminal Cases
As a guy that has never had talent in basketball outside of dribbling right-handed and lowering my shoulder as I plow towards the basket, I hate basketball and the people that play it. So of course, when I stumbled upon a page that listed seven of its greatest screw-ups of recent times, I had to let you share my enjoyment. From Kobe to Jayson Williams, from Glen Rice to AI, enjoy their failures with me. And then be jealous of them once again five minutes later.

6. Lobsters
And here is this week's throw away pick. Something absurd for you to chew on. Enjoy your lives for the next seven days, and I'll see you in a week.

The Doctor.

Read More......

Saturday, August 9, 2008

UFC 87 - "Seek and Destroy" Tonight!

expr:id='"post-" + data:post.id' >


Tonight starting at 10 o'clock on PPV is the first major MMA event that has taken place since I have been blogging here on BIBTTP. It is a UFC event, yes finally the best MMA organization out there will put on a great card, live from the Target Center in Minneapolis, Minnesota. UFC 87 - "Seek and Destory" features one of the best pound-for-pound fighters in the world in Georges "Rush" St. Pierre (pictured above, at left). He is the current UFC Welterweight Champion of the World and he is taking on number one contender Jon Fitch (pictured above, right), a very impressive fighter who is actually undefeated in UFC competition (8-0). If you still think this sport is two guys with tattoos bashing away at each other with no skill what so ever, then please watch Georges St. Pierre or GSP for short, and see how good of a fighter he is, and I assure you that your views will change. This fight is going to be a very technical one, and the fighter that is able to execute their game plan better will come out on top. This fight is going to be what real MMA is all about.
More previews after the jump...


The card also features a heavyweight match-up between MMA veteran Heath "The Texas Crazy-Horse" Herring and former WWE superstar, Brock Lesnar. Yes I know what you're thinking, how can a fake wrestler be in a serious MMA promotion? I was a little skeptical at first until I remembered that Lesnar was a NCAA Division I National Champion wrestler when he was at the University of Minnesota. He possesses the real physical skills necessary to be a force in the UFC heavyweight division. Even though he lost his first UFC fight back in February, this fight with Herring, although not an easy one, may be the first step he will take to becoming a true MMA practitioner. The fight will most likely be a slug fest with some ground and pound thrown in there. So get ready for some fun.

The third major fight at UFC 87 is a lightweight match-up between Roger "El Matador" Huerta and Kenny "KenFlo" Florian. Both fighters are on winning streaks in the UFC and this is said to be the fight to see who is the number one contender and will eventually take on the Lightweight Champion - B.J. Penn. This fight should be very exciting because both fighters are high-octane, fast-paced guys who like to push the action. Florian likes to finish fights by any means, submission or TKO and Huerta is a relentless mixed martial artist who only has one career lose and is 6-0 in UFC competition. This fight has the makings for "Fight of the Night" status.

Please watch these fights if you can, and if you do not want to pay the 44.95 (which is a ridiculous price) to watch it live on PPV, I completely understand. But you can read live updates right here.
For more information on the entire event, including the full list of fights, check out UFC 87's official site.
Enjoy the fights!
theShow

Read More......

Friday, August 8, 2008

Weekly Draft 2: Ολυμπιακοί Αγώνες

expr:id='"post-" + data:post.id' >

(That's Greek for 'Olympic Games'. But hey, it's all Greek to me, right?)


As you surely know, today, 8/8/08 marks the start of the start of the Games of the XXIX Olympiad, held in Beijing, China. The Olympics are a great opportunity to see sports we don't often get a chance to, so we at BIBTTP figured we'd get in on the act. So now, we say: what Olympic sport would you like to be awesome at?

The order is: Doctor Dozer, Torshin, JuicyJuice, theShow, blogsquatch, SoBDD

Picks (and pics!) after the jump...

Doctor Dozer: Fencing - I think we've already discussed our status as nerds here at BIBTTP. However, I want to confess to you all that I may be the leader of the nerd category around here as I am a devout fan of... Star Wars. I know, I know. But ever since I was little, I just wanted to sword battle someone with a lightsaber, eventually decapitating him with a scissor motion using two blades or chopping off his arm as I tell his our previously secret familial relationship. Well, just as wiffle ball bats and lacrosse sticks had to do when I was younger, fencing blades will have to do for now. I think I am destined for the sabre event (cough lightsaber) and would dominate any opponent as if he were a mere Padawan.

Torshin: Beach Volleyball - Well I bet many of you are wondering why I picked beach volleyball with my first round pick out of the plethora of possible sports to choose from. Quite simply I picked it for the women. If you are the world's best beach volleyball player you are going to be spending plenty of time on a beach with a great body and have thousands of bikini-clad women attempting to get into your pants to find some endorsement money or something like that. Why choose a sport if the sport isn't going to get you any women?

JuicyJuice: Team Handball - There’s a reason that soccer (real football) won’t get drafted for long time: it sucks to play because you can’t use your hands. (Ed. note: Funny, 'cause your motha didn't feel the same way...) In basketball, you can thread the needle with a pinpoint pass through a defender’s legs. And you can do this because you can use your hands to advance the ball. The best you can do in soccer is kick the ball to a general space and put it on some a teammate’s foot. Would I ever choose to complete a task using my feet? No. So, if you improve the rules of soccer and play the game with your hands … you’ve got team handball! It’s everyone’s favorite gym game (dodgeball) but with a strategic purpose, the same as soccer’s: beat the defense and a goalie to rip a g. Sweet.

theShow: Decathlon - Oh you're good at one event...well I can dominate anyone in 10 different events ranging from the long jump to the javelin throw. In other words, I am the best all-around athlete at the Olympics and in turn the entire WORLD. I'll take that. Plus Bruce Jenner, shown at right, parlayed his gold medal from the decathlon into a lucrative career doing absolutely nothing. Too bad his face looks like it is made of rubber now.

blogsquatch: Archer who lights the Olympic Torch - Yeah, all these so-called "sports" are great, but really, why are they great? Would you ever watch team handball or track and field or any of this stuff if it didn't have the title "Olympics" attached? Of course not. These sports are on TV (a lot) and people care about them only because of the setting and the traditions that come with it. Who better to symbolize those traditions than the man who commences the Games by launching a burning arrow into the Olympic Cauldron like a hero of old? I get goosebumps just writing about it...

SoBDD: Mile - According to Standard Rules & Measurements, a mile is 5280 feet, 3074.201 Egyptian cubits, 1760 yards, 1609.334 meters, 880 fathoms, or .000000000000170108 light years. According to those who love track and field, a mile is perfect. For years, the four-minute mile was thought to be the boundary of excellence through which no human could pass without jeopardizing his life. Though the barrier has long since been broken, the mile still holds unparalleled public cache. Running a mile takes an equal mix of aerobic and anaerobic oxidation, an equal mix of speed and endurance, an equal mix of guts and guile. To be the world's finest miler is truly to be the world's finest runner. There is no higher title than that.

(Ed. note: Yes, we know the mile has never been contested at the Olympics, with the 1500 meters standing in its stead. But please, don’t let the Communists win: no metric system.)

SoBDD: Water Polo - Though water polo is most widely played on the West Coast, don't let its popularity with those smoker-surfer hippie laid-back cool dudes fool you: this sport is fucking awesome. Water polo is vicious, as the guys in the show-your-junk-trunks constantly batter each both other above and below the water. Water poloists (Poloers? Why don't we go with 'water polo players'...) are ripped, and they absolutely have to be, as they swim, tread water, and fight surreptitiously for 32 straight minutes. They can also propel themselves high out of the water, using only their abs and legs, in order to shoot or make a save. It's rugby in the water, plus you get to look like The Man shooting, just like in team handball. Of, if only I could swim...

blogsquatch: Badminton - Think about your family reunions. Okay, so at my family reunion we mostly hit pinatas, drink Coronas, and eat tacos, but I bet I know what happens at yours. Grandma smells funny and pinches your cheek, your aunts talk about how much you've grown, creepy Uncle Chris has too much to drink and starts saying inappropriate things to your 12-year-old cousin... And, eventually, someone pulls out a backyard badminton set. If you're no good at it, badminton is about the lamest thing there is, but if you're sick--wowzer. It offers the chance for high-flying hard-hitting action, as you fire your cock at your family members hit the shuttle back and forth. Aunt Rosie made you eat her uber-shitty pineapple upside down cake? WHAM! Grandpa got you a Blue's Clues video for Christmas, even though you're 15 years old? SLAM! Your tease of a cousin won't kiss you, even a peck on the cheek for crying out loud? BLAM! It would be awesome to show your family how you really feel by kicking their collective asses as badminton.

theShow: Trampoline - This is a new event, not sure of the actual name of the event, but you might as well just call it: Little People Bouncing Up and Down. I just think it would be cool to go that high and flip and spin like crazy. Who didn't love trampolines as a kid, hell I still love them, why wouldn't you want to do it competitively?

JuicyJuice: Table Tennis - I get my ass kicked regularly by all of my friends at ping pong. Actually, at all racquet sports for that matter. So if I could pick one racquet sport to take revenge upon them, it would no doubt be the most serious of them all: table tennis. Olympic table tennis requires agility, power, quickness, and the ability to do all of those things with a deft hand (because you’re smacking around a tiny plastic ball). I don’t know if you have witnessed anything but casual ping-pong, but table tennis is not a game for the weak-minded. To return the blistering serves these athletes are forced back yards away from the edge of the table, and then volley from that distance. Putting spin (“english,” or as my friends say, “jizz”) on a ball is one of the coolest things in sports. Pitching a baseball or a golf ball is cool, but not as sweet as chopping a ping pong ball or ripping a vicious backhand.

Torshin: Shooting - Screw China. That's the reason I picked rifles with my second pick. For years China has been pouring ridiculous amounts of funding into less well known sports such as all the riflery events and other things like table tennis, diving, and many others in order to increase their medal count. Basically I'm taking one for the team in order to rob those communists of a few medals. Also it would be pretty cool to be amazing at shooting things 'cause you could make serious bank doing parlor tricks like shooting quarters and stuff.

Doctor Dozer: Archery - I'm not a fan of guns. Not at all really. It's the only point in the Constitution that I completely disagree with (maybe the 19th Amendment as well...). I mean, imagine how much safer you'd feel if guns didn't saturate this country. But bows and arrows? Totally OK. I mean, think of all the awesomeness that went down in the times of Robin Hood. Think of how cool it must be to tag a deer or some other furred beast with an arrow so that you can eat it and put its head on your wall. Think of that scene in Hero at the end where he is just demolished by a wall of arrows or the scene in 300 where the same thing happens but the Spartans are too cool for it. Archery is totally sweet because it is simple, traditional, and bad ass. If I could be awesome at it, I would steal from the rich, feed my family, and try to kill heroic figures.

Doctor Dozer: Sailing - So many of our friends are of substantial amounts of old wealth and, as such, are sailing enthusiasts. My motivation for selecting such a preppy, nauseating sport is this: I would love to be better at their elitist pasttime than they are. Imagine me racing against a certain Gary Hotchkiss in a regatta, swinging the jib boom all over the place as I expertly maneuver my vessel past his, maybe even in circles around his, as I deftly beat him to the finish line. I would love to see him in his white pants, boat shoes, and pastel shirt standing dumbstruck on the dock, stunned at the defeat. It would be almost as good as slaying theShow's mother and having him find out about it. One can always dream... (I <3 Anne Marie)

Torshin: Soccer - Yes I picked soccer. Or futbol or football or whatever the hell you want to call it. If I'm going to be the best at something hell I might as well be the best at the most popular sport. I don't care if you are the fastest 10km runner in the world most people aren't going to know your name. I don't care if you can swim faster than most fish because people are going to forget you pretty quickly. But if I'm one of the world's top soccer players, not only am I going to be rich but I'm going to be famous.

JuicyJuice: Modern Pentathlon - Often called the "sport that most accurately conveys the ideals of Olympism." Only true renaissance athletes are fit to compete in this event. You may have run track in high school, maybe you run marathons now. But after running 3 km, can you complete a show jumping course on horseback? Slay a fencing opponent? Win a 200 meter freestyle swimming race? And then out-shoot enemies in a pistol shooting competition? Didn’t think so. Surprisingly this ridiculous event has been an Olympic sport since 1912. Modern pentathlon medalists would have been elite soldiers during the American Revolution/ Civil War: can travel quickly by foot, water, or horseback and master of the sword and gun.

Ed. note: So the "sport that most accurately conveys the ideals of Olympism"--you know, achieving a spirit of better understanding between men and nations, as well as competition for the sake of pushing oneself towards excellence--is...one designed to train and test army officers?

theShow: High Dive - I enjoy swimming pools, but high dives scare the piss out of me. I think it is so impressive what those guys/girls do from the time they leave the platform to the time their svelt bodies splash into the water. Please refrain from any Greg Lougayness jokes please. Thank you.

blogsqatch: Rhythmic Gymnastics - Did you ever play that game with Chinese fortune cookies (no, not that game, Dozer) where you added "in bed" to the fortune. You know: "You will have great success"... In bed! "Be adventurous and good things will happen to you"... In bed! "The time is right to make new friends"... In bed! See, never gets old. What does that game have to do with rhythmic gymnastics? Not much, really, except I'd really like to be "in bed" with some of these rhymthic gymnasts. Just think: all the grace, flexibility, need for affirmation, and general sexiness of regular gymnasts (Ed. note: And the unnaturally delayed menstruation!), but skilled with sex toys hoops, balls, and ribbons. Woo Hoo!

SoBDD: Field Hockey - I love field hockey for its unique strategy--being only able to play with the right side of the stick really changes the game (imagine if you were only allowed to dribble a basketball with your right hand)--for its exciting penalty corners, for the speed and grace with which the players move, for its status as the only sport that India would ever have a hope of winning a medal in, and for the challenge of the drag flick, which some have described as the most difficult thing to do in sports. Eh, who am I kidding? I just want to wear a skirt.

What about you? Yes, we picked a lot of great events, but there are a bunch we missed. Put your own in the comments.

Read More......

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Suck it Patriots, Brett Favre is a Jet!

expr:id='"post-" + data:post.id' >


Brett Favre is a New York Jet.
Sorry to the Patriots and all of their fans too.
Can't wait for the Super Bowl Championship parade.
That is all...have a nice day.

theShow

Read More......

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Another Lost Liberty

expr:id='"post-" + data:post.id' >

The Department of Homeland Security recently released this gem about their policy regarding the search and seizure of laptops and other electronic devices, "Federal agents may take a traveler's laptop or other electronic device to an off-site location for an unspecified period of time without any suspicion of wrongdoing, as part of border search policies the Department of Homeland Security recently disclosed." The policy also includes their ability to share any information obtained with other agencies as well as the right to send your computer to non-government agencies for translation and things of that nature. Now while the seizure of laptops without a warrant at the boarder might not seem like that big a deal, its not far from the government claiming the right to tap any and all international communication because importation of information from a laptop is no different then sharing information over a VPN. On top of this several European government are in the works of passing legislation that will allow airport security to search laptops for pirated software and songs.

I know many of you will say that this is for the greater good and the government is only doing this to protect us. But who is regulating the government? When you are no long allowed to freely share information with others without the fear of big brother looking over your shoulder things start to look a little bleak. Along with all the recent news about net neutrality it looks like the age of unregulated internet is coming to an end.

Read More......

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Weekly Prescriptions: 8/3

expr:id='"post-" + data:post.id' >


It's that time of the month week again, and frankly, I'm excited about it. I find I much enjoy our fulfilling albeit limited time together, and I'm sure you feel the same way. I also wanted to take the time to make a little pledge to you. With authors being added and more and more posts being posted each and every week, things look to be on the up and up around here. My pledge is this: no matter how cool our blog gets and how many fans we have asking us to let them fellasche us or kiss their babies, I won't forget my devoted "Weekly Prescriptions" column readers. You can count on me for as long as this blog is up and running. With that in mind, onto this weeks pills/picks.

1. 15 Funniest Police Blotters
At Reston, we have a good time every few weeks looking through the college newspaper and checking out the police blotter. That's where they write down a list of all the situations the campus police have responded to. It never fails to amuse. Anyway, this is a list of some epic police blotters that I stumbled upon. Pretty damn hilarious. Give it a shot. Damn ungrateful ducks...

2. I Met a Butterfly
A cute little butterfly comic strip that reminds us all what is important in life. Well, sort of. It reminds me of a kid I knew in high school whose screen name was morbidmetal13. What a friggin' psycho.

3. 2008 Darwin Awards
I realize that 2008 is not yet over and that this probably isn't the official Darwin Awards release, but it's damned funny. If you don't find number one slightly amusing at the least, please die. All 8 are hilarious. Please enjoy.

4. Repose
Usually, I'm not all about artsy naked pics. I mean, if you're going for naked pics, go all the way, right? Well, something about this picture was refreshing. I thought it could also make all of you that haven't seen a girl in person in over 4 months feel very very alone... Suck it.

5. Hot Pole Vault Chick
There's really nothing more to it than that.

6. Car Fail
What an incredible fail. I smiled the whole time. I mean, what was he thinking? A race against gravity? And then to challenge the momentum of his car? Unstoppable force and all that, I guess. And then he drives away. What an idiot.

Well, see you all next week.

Yours,
Doctor Dozer

Read More......

Saturday, August 2, 2008

MMA Sunday August 3 - Check It Out

expr:id='"post-" + data:post.id' >


Just a little reminder for everyone out there. There is a very solid live MMA event on free television Sunday night. The organization is called the WEC, which stands for World Extreme Cagefighting. It is actually owned by the UFC, and features a lot of lesser known, but not lesser skilled fighters. They are up and coming in the MMA world and deserve some attention. The card this weekend features three title fights. If that is not a reason to watch then I will give you another. The current Light Heavyweight champion is a man by the name of Brian Stann. His nickname is "All-American", and for good reason. Brian Stann is a former US Marine Captain who did a tour in Iraq and received a Silver Star for his bravery/valor. He is a great American, a talented fighter, and more importantly a great human being. When I first heard his story I became a fan right away, and I am confident you will too. And he is one of many reasons to watch this WEC event. Plus, it's free, so why the hell not watch it.
The event starts at 9 o'clock on the Versus network. Check your local listings.
For more information on the fight card visit the WEC's official site
Enjoy the fights!
theShow
sorry nothing after the jump

Read More......

Friday, August 1, 2008

The Dark Knight Review: A Look To The Future

expr:id='"post-" + data:post.id' >


So here is part two of my highly anticipated TDK review. Consider yourself privileged to read it. Just kidding. What I try to do in this half, though, is come at TDK in a way that few others have. What I'll be focusing on is the future of the franchise. Can Nolan's Batman successfully inhabit a third installment or would it turn out something like Spider-Man 3, widely regarded as the worst possible Spiderman movie they could have made. Well, find out what's in store for our gadgeted-billionaire after the jump.

Beyond Gotham's pulchritudinous skyline and its mob underworld lies Batman's biggest opposition to another movie: the real world. First, the Joker is alive at the film's end, and Nolan left us believing that, although the Joker is in jail, his chaotic dance with Batman will go on forever. But Heath has passed on. And don't even try to claim that someone could replace him. I mean, sure, they could, but it would be awful. No one can stand up to the performance Heath did without completely reimagining not only the character, but the franchise. It would be like doing the Clone Wars movie with everyone in cartoon mode except for Anakin, leaving the galaxy far far away with one in-the-flesh person wearing the outdated life-sustaining gear of the late 1970's. Really picture how awful that could be. Now imagine a different actor playing the Joker in a future Batman movie........

Yeah, you're right, the "replacement Joker" Batman movie would be worse. Way, way worse.

Besides the Heath issues, Christian Bale has problems of his own. First of all, Bale has inhabited a number of roles in his career and has done so because he loves the challenge of taking on new characters. Although he has stated he'd be happy to do a Batman 3 (so long as Nolan stays on), it certainly wouldn't be the challenge he's looking for. Besides his potential lack of interest, Bale has recently filed a statement with Scotland Yard in regards to a matter that occurred during the opening weekend of TDK. Now this isn’t just a statement where he says what he knows about an accident he may have witnessed or something like that. No. The incident at hand involves both his mother and sister claiming that he got upset and assaulted the two of them in their hotel room. What kind of sick weirdo grown man beats on their sister AND mother (especially outside the privacy of his own home)? Needless to say, this could develop into a substantial criminal situation in the near future. Think Chris Henry and the Bengals (who will never play for them again because of his blatant disregard for the law). Talent plus psychotic opposition to real world lawlessness do not mix. Lastly, Christian Bale is an insane actor and man. Earlier in his career, he lost 60 pounds for his role in the Machinist (30% of his body weight)! He has played characters ranging from Jesus to Patrick Bateman (in American Psycho) and has told reporters on record that the role of Jesus gave him nightmares, whereas "Patrick Bateman? Nothing." He hates the spotlight, saying to the media that he has "no desire for people to get their facts right about [him]." When asked questions about his personal life, he simply makes up stories so that no one knows what his deal is. Bale has had all the media attention he can handle between The Dark Knight’s success and his gathering legal troubles, and with Terminator Salvation: The Future Begins coming out in 2009, I think Bale will be skeptical of any project that will keep him in the limelight.

The final real world issue is Nolan. He, like Bale, is a guy that likes to create and imagine. I think he'll be itching for something new after this most recent film which simply adds to the oft cinematically represented Batman franchise. He's a trailblazer, kind of like Strider in the Lord of the Rings, but not nearly as gay (or attractive…), and with not anything close to the same fetish for little people. He just can't settle down and nothing can make him stay in one place for too long. Sort of like how your dad feels about you, like how he can't stand the sight of you and left your mom because of it. Trust me, he told me. Anyway, look for Nolan to go on to bigger and better things. Also, after killing the box office and creating such a great film, what else is there to do for Nolan? Wouldn’t you feel like you’ve done all you could as far as Batman is concerned if you were this director, did this great a job, and were inherently artsy and creative as all directors are? I just think he will want to move on, whether he should or should not. He simply crushed a movie with the Batman and the Joker, which is like the holy grail of Batman movies. He’ll want out.

Beyond these pressing real world issues, the world of Gotham may not NEED another movie. First of all, Nolan's Gotham has thrived on realism and plausibility. If you look at possible villains for the next installment (althought with a great cast, even some of the slightly more minor and slightly less realistic characters can be brought to life by Nolan in a way that reflects the successes of TDK), who would be real enough to inhabit Nolan's world? Who could exist in Gotham the way the Joker or Two Face did? Sure, people like to point to Batman Begins and its list of relatively minor villains (i.e. Scarecrow and Ra's Al Ghul), but now that the Joker and Two Face have been created, how could Nolan go back to a potpourri of minor villains? I honestly don't think he can. It would tarnish the masterpiece that was TDK. Also, with Commissioner Gordon's final speech, yes we have now set the stage for the future of Batman, but is it a stage on which the show must be performed? Couldn't that ending, with Batman running from the people he has given everything to serve and save, be enough? Isn't it sort of an "and the rest is history" moment?

Good people have died in battle, Batman has beaten back evil (for now), he lost his love (even before her death), the village has come after him in a Frankenstein-esque ending, and still Batman fights evil in their name. We know now that he can never truly win because evil and chaos will never be defeated, but he will always fight on as Batman or any true hero must. If the story isn't ended here, when can it possibly end? If it's just going to be a cyclic story about a new villain (which is either too dull or too outlandish when compared with the Joker and Two Face), same Batman (deep voice, kung fu, new gadgets), same outcome (evil is turned away by The Dark Knight, though it shall return again), same Alfred, same cool toys (OK, "new" but with the same idea), same boy-toy Bruce Wayne antics, and same Gotham (dark but lightening, rescued but still in need of saving), then why bother? Within Nolan's two-volume Gotham universe, Bruce has come from the little boy in the alley to the lost man searching for his way to the hero he wanted to be to the selfless vigilante he is now. That is a long way for a character to develop. Why let him become static in another movie after all that growth and self-revelation? The only way it could continue is if Batman could one day go out on top, but that would undercut everything Nolan fought so hard to brand into our fleshy frontal lobes: he can't win in the storybook sense. He's doomed to forever fight for a justice he can't attain for the people he can't win over. He's reached the bottom, but the ceiling has come down with him, trapping him forever in this constant state of opposing unrelenting evil, leaving him destined to impose justice and order with chaos and violence forevermore.

Read More......